The Lives Of The Romanovs

I Feel Nothing With You

Tatiana

For two-months, I kept it a secret that I knew about Dmitri's mistress. He was seeing Veronika regularly on Fridays and Tuesdays now. However, he tells me that he is spending the night at the Yusupov palace. I knew it was all lies, but I was willing to fake a smile and tell him to have a goodnight. I tended to our children. Beth was attempting stand up now, but fell each time. Little Dmitri's Russian Sign Language and speaking skills were becoming better and better. But he was still so lost in thought all the time. Baby Irina has recently discovered a love for painting and has tended a lot of her time to learning how to paint better.

On Thursday night, Dmitri was sitting in his sitting room. He had drank himself to sleep on the sofa. Seeing him laying there, completely drunk and almost unconscious, it made me angry. I had put up with his drinking problem for awhile, but I was officially done now.

I picked up a pillow off the sofa and threw it at Dmitri. He jumped and his eyes widened. He looked at me with an angry expression on his face.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Dmitri grumbled.

"I am so tired of you drinking yourself to sleep every night. I will not have husband that dies from tripping down the stairs because he was so wasted."

"I was not on the stairs."

"Not yet." I muttered. "But you know what, now that you are awake. I have a question for you. Who is Veronika Vinogradova?"

"I never heard of her." Dmitri rubbed his eyes.

I scoffed. "Don't you lie to me, you bastard! She is the ballerina you love so much, remember? You told me at the ballet."

"I don't know who Veronika is! You are acting crazy right now!" Dmitri stood up.

"I am acting crazy? You are lying to my face right now. I know you have been seeing this ballerina for months. Everyone has been telling me!"

Dmitri looked defeated. He crossed his arms and sharply inhaled. "What if I am? What are you going to do about it?"

"What am I gonna do about it? I will go to my father and see how the Tsar feels about it."

"The Tsar? Your threats mean nothing to me, Tanya. It is not illegal for a man to take a mistress."

"I cannot listen to you. You are selfish and idiotic." I shake my head and start heading to the doors of the sitting room. But Dmitri grabs my arm and pulls me back.

"Let's talk about this since it seems so important to you." Dmitri stated. "How long have you known?"

"Let go, you are hurting me." I groan and try to pull my arm away, but he does not let go. In fact, he hold my arm tighter. "Dmitri, let go! Let go now!"

He still does not let go. Without thinking, I slap him across the face. Dmitri lets go of my arm and touches his cheek. I had not realized I slapped him until afterward. We can only stare at each other in shock. But then, there was rage that filled Dmitri's face.

"So that how you wish to play it, you bitch!" Dmitri pounced at me. I quickly moved away. Him and I are now playing cat-and-mouse around our couch. I'm at the other end and he is at another. "Come on, Tanya."

"What are you going to do, Dima? Will you hit me? Go on, show me how much you love me!" I shout at him.

"No, you are not worth it! You are not worth a single ounce of pain or love. Tatiana, you seem kind and selfless on the outside. But on the inside, you are hollow and cold!"

"Oh please, it is you that is cold! I have dedicated my life to this marriage. And you cannot seem mature for any moment of it!"

"I wish I had married Irina Alexandrovna!" Dmitri screamed and kicked the couch. I remembered hearing once that Dmitri had a crush on cousin Irina many years ago. But for him to bring her up again was rude. He was trying to make me angry.