The Lives Of The Romanovs

My Happiness

Anastasia

I leaned over the toilet, vomiting. I woke up feeling nauseous and exhausted. I was slumped over the toilet while Josiah sat on the floor next to me. He was rubbing my back and saying sweet things to me.

"It is alright, my dear."

I groaned. "That salmon last night must have killed me. I always seem to get sick when eating seafood now."

"And you never had problems with seafood growing up?"

"No, that is weird. It is so odd that I have only recently been sensitive to seafood."

"You could go see a doctor. Just to be sure, you know?"

"Maybe you are right. Do you think I can fit in an appointment with Doctor Botkin before we go to Catherine Park today?"

Josiah shrugged. "I am not sure, but I think you could go see the doctor. You would not want to get ill again while we are out, do you?"

"That is a fair point. Alright, I will go see the doctor."

I got dressed and cleaned myself up. I went around the halls, trying to sneak to the doctor's room. I did not wish to cause a panic or frustration in the family. Doctor Botkin had nothing on his agenda around that time and agreed to take me. I changed into a hospital gown and got on to his table. Doctor Botkin pulled some of his tools and gave me a regular check-up.

"I vomited this morning. I have such a sensitivity to fish and I have no idea why."

Doctor Botkin put his stethoscope on my chest. "Have you changed your diet at all?"

"No, I am eating everything I usually would."

"Are you drinking enough water?"

"I think so, sir. Josiah and I think it may be food poisoning. Perhaps I have a stomach ulcer? I am so sensitive to foods anymore." I giggled. Doctor Botkin leaned up and frowned. He seemed confused. I could there were a lot of thoughts running through his head and he was just trying to find the words for it.

"Anastasia Nikolaevna...how long have these symptoms been going on for?" Doctor Botkin turned away and put his stethoscope into his medical bag.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "About two-months. How come?"

"This may seem a bit personal, but when was your last bleeding?"

"About three-months ago. I believe it is because I have been under much stress with my movie and career."

Doctor Botkin sighed, crossing his arms at me. "Anastasia Nikolaevna, let us truly think about this. You are vomiting, sensitive to foods, and your bleeding is far too late. That does not sound like food poisoning...but another thing."

It took me a moment to realize what it was. My stomach dropped and my heart began to race. My breathing became heavier. I could not help but move my hand to my belly. No. It could not be possible. I was too young and I was unmarried.

"I can take a look at you again tomorrow. But you must try and relax. You should speak to Mr. Henry as soon as possible. Try and get your father's approval as soon as possible." Doctor Botkin insisted. But his words went in one ear and out the other. I was so panicked and scared. How would I let Josiah? That would only make him nervous and more anxious than ever. I had to keep this a secret. At least, for now it had to be.

I returned upstairs. My family were sitting in the dining hall for breakfast. There was a lot of chatter and laughs being shared. I could not help but smile.

"Nastya!" Olga exclaimed. "Is everything alright? How was the visit with Doctor Botkin?"

I faked a smile as I sat down next to Josiah. "Oh yes, I am fine. I was right...it just food poisoning. I probably need a better diet."

Tatiana chuckled. "Ah, well that is a relief! It can be an easy change. Do not worry."

"Thank you, Tatya."

"Mama, you should tell Dedushka about my idea!" Baby Irina gasped. Tatiana rolled her eyes and laughed at her comment.

"Baby Irina wants to know if there can be a playground installed. She wants a swing, a slide, monkey bars, a sandbox...and a seesaw! I could not think of the name of it."

Papa furrowed his eyebrows. "Where did she learn about this thing? What happened to appreciating our Giant Steps?"

"Modern playgrounds are popular, I suppose. Baby Irina heard about it from Dasha."

"I do not see why not, Nicky." Mama grinned. "It would be awfully sweet to see the children play on it. Several great childhood photos."

"I like the idea! I say to do it!" Oleg nodded with a wide smile. Everyone across the table let out a laugh. But I simply did not have it in me to laugh. My heart raced and I panicked. I stood up from the table again, feeling as if I were going to be ill again.

"Anastasia Nikolaevna, whatever is the matter?" Anna Vyrubova asked me.

"I am sorry, everyone. I am still feeling very sick. I wish to go to my bed now. Papa, am I excused?"

"Of course."

"Do you wish for me to walk you upstairs?" Josiah stood and tried to take my hand, but I moved it away from him.

"No. No, my dear. Stay here and spend time with my family. Just let me take a small nap. I am terribly sorry." I did not look back as I walked out of the dining room. I took off running and went up the stairs. It was burning my gut and it felt as if my throat was tightening. I needed the toilet. I needed to vomit again. As I reached the toilet, I slammed the door shut and fell to my knees. I felt exhausted and wished to cry.

Afterward, I made my way to my bed. I changed into my nightgown and crawled under the covers. Then, I burst into tears. This was not how it was supposed to go. How could I have been so irresponsible? I needed to be held accountable. However, I just wanted the panic and sadness to set in.

"Anastasia, are you awake?" Olga peeked her head in. I quickly wiped my tears away, but Olga had already seen. She was holding a cup of tea. I am assuming she made me Ginger Tea. When people around the palace were sick, she loved taking care of them. Her and Tatiana had always been that way. Olga never left Alexei's side when he had a bleeding attack. She prayed over him and would kiss his forehead.

"Oh dear. What has happened?" Olga shut the door behind her and walked to my bedside. She set the tea on the nightstand, then she sat next to me on the bed. Olga's gentle hands took mine. Her gray-eyes stared at me with genuine concern for me. That was the Olga I knew from my childhood. She always looked us like that when we were sad or mad about something. I remembered Alexei got angry about something and slapped her across the face. Olga did not raise her voice at him or got angry too. But instead, she gently spoke to him about how slapping her was wrong and there were other ways to deal with problems. I had not seen that version of her in awhile. The Olga I had seen, as of lately, was scolding me or irritated with me.

"I cannot tell you." I sniffed.

"You can tell me anything."

"You will hate me forever."

"You are my sister. How could I ever hate you?"

"You will think I am disgusting and a sinner."

Olga snickered. "A sinner? What did you do? Steal chocolates again? I remember when you did that."

"I cannot laugh at anything right now. I am sorry."

"Nastya, it cannot be that bad. Whatever the situation is, then we can figure it out. How serious can it be?"

I looked up at her with tears in my eyes still. "I am with child, Olga."