The Lives Of The Romanovs

It Is Not In Our Fates

Tatiana

I went to the hospital and kept working. I avoided Anton like the plague. Staying at home was not an option for me either. Josiah's death had clouded the family. Anastasia had fallen into such a deep depression. The entire family was on edge as well.

I was helping Rebecca Brown make a bed toward the back of the common room. There was a sudden commotion down the hall. I looked up with everyone else in the room. That is when Dmitri popped around the corner into the room. Him and I locked eyes. My heart was starting to race. I did not wish to see him. Why was he here?

"Tanya." Dmitri started walking over to me.

I shook my head at him. "Dmitri, you need to leave. Now is not the time."

"I haven't had a sip of alcohol in four-days. That has been miserable for me."

"I am sorry, but you must leave. You are causing a commotion and you are embarrassing me-"

Dmitri put his hands on my shoulders. "My dear, come back home to me. Come home. What will it take?"

"Stop, please. Not here."

"Tanya, let us go home. I miss the children terribly." Dmitri tried to cup of my face in his hands. The patients, nurses, and doctors were all staring at us in the room. I was so terribly embarrassed. I did not wish to bring my personal life here. What would others think of me?

"Is there a problem here?" Anton asked, stepping between Dmitri and I. He stood up straight, almost asserting himself over Dmitri.

Dmitri scoffed. "You must be Anton. I have heard much about you."

"Have you?"

"I have. I heard you are one of my wife's best friends."

"What about it?" Anton whispered, stepping closer to Dmitri. Dmitri just scoffed again.

"Do you believe you are stronger than I? This business between Tatiana and I does not concern you. Get lost." Dmitri tried to step forward. Anton held his hand out and lightly pushed Dmitri away. He seemed taken aback, as if he could not believe a commoner as just put their hands on him.

"Your imperial highness, I know that you believe since you are a Grand Duke, then that means you can do anything you want. You believe you can walk into any room you wish. But not my hospital. This is the only place where you cannot boss people around like they are your slaves." Anton stated.

Dmitri was in disbelief. "Who do you think you are? You are just a Russian peasant!"

"No, I am the director of this hospital. And you are harassing my staff. Now, I am going to tell you one more time: get out of my hospital. Otherwise, I am not afraid to throw a punch."

"Are you threatening me?" Dmitri's mouth hung low.

Anton chuckled and put his hand on Dmitri's shoulder. "Threatening you? No, of course not. Consider it...a promise. If you harass any of my staff again, not just Tatiana Nikolaevna, then I will throw my fist at you, and there won't be a damn thing you can do about it. Do I make myself clear?"

Dmitri looked past Anton. He glared at me and flared his nostrils. He seemed to be the one embarrassed now.

"This is not over between us, Tanya." Dmitri reassured me in a cold tone. He stormed off and out of the room. The room remained silent and stared at us. Anton deeply exhaled and then cleared his throat.

"There is nothing to see here, everyone. Get back to doing what you are doing. Tatiana Nikolaevna, my office, now." Anton nodded at me. I followed him out of the room and down the halls to his office. It was silent between us on the way there. What was there to talk about? Would he force me to quit? I understood after today's incident. He opened the door for me into his office, and then shut it behind us. Anton moved in front of me, so he was sitting at the edge of his desk and I was standing in front of him.

"Anton-"

"We need to speak about what occurred the other night."

I gulped. "There is nothing to talk about. I made a mistake."

"Tatiana Nikolaevna...I am not saying that I did not like it. I liked it when you kissed me."

I had not been expecting that one. Was I reading the signs wrong that night? Was him defending me his way of confessing his feelings to me? This had taken a turn

"I am sorry, but I do not understand. Why did you push me away that night?" I asked. Anton deeply exhaled and stood up from his desk.

"I cannot go there with you. I just...I cannot do that to another man's wife. Tatiana Nikolaevna, I cannot be your lover because I will fall in love with you. And if I fall in love with you, then I am going to wish to be more. We can never be more. Not simply because I am a commoner and you are a Grand Duchess, but because you are married."

"I-"

"And I have already been-," Anton laughed and shook his head. However, it was not genuine laughter. It seemed like laughter out of embarrassment. "I have already been so fascinated by you for the years I have known you. You make me so...so hopeful."

I did not know what that exactly meant. One could interpret that as many things. Perhaps he just admires me very much? I was not sure anymore. My entire life just confused me now.

"Anton, I am lost. I am so lost in this world. Will you just help me, for at least a little while?" I asked with a shrug.

Anton sighed again. "I will continue to be a friend and attempt to be like a therapist. But that is all we can be. I am sorry."

"I understand. I should not have pushed anything between us. It was inappropriate. Tatiana from one-decade ago would have never done that. I...I do not know who I am anymore."

"Yes, you do." Anton nodded. "You are still Tatiana Nikolaevna from one-decade ago. She is simply lost in your soul. The real question is: what are you willing to do to find her again?"

That was the true question of it all. I needed to find the old Tatiana. However, I did not know how to do that. She seemed so far again. But I wanted to feel different. I wished to be happier again. I needed a break from the stress in my life, specifically Dmitri. I needed to get better though. For myself and for my children. Dmitri was working on himself, maybe I needed to work on myself as well.