𝗳𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿/𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀

i will pick up - sj

SCARLETT JOHANSSON

WARNINGS!!
suicidal thoughts, pills, talk about overdosing, jokes about  suicide, nausea.. yeh

this is very personal and kinda candid so urm 🤙

if you need to talk i'm always here. i don't sleep so don't worry about waking me up <3

NOT PROOFREAD!!

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"you can always talk to me when you feel like this, okay? i don't care whether it's three in the morning, i will pick up the phone" that's what she said when all these thoughts last went through your head

'am i being overdramatic?'

it had been eleven months.. you had nearly made it a whole damn year without even thinking about taking too many

'i can't do another day'

last november was a rocky road and there weren't many people who knew about how down you really were

'how many would it take?'

they always thought your jokes about killing yourself were just that, jokes

"i swear to god if tomorrow is like today i'm going to jump out of the window" you'd mutter and your friends around you would laugh and agree

'would it hurt?'

it wasn't until you had taken your mother's prescribed medication down from the top of the cupboard that you thought the whole idea out properly

you knew you couldn't do it at home because there's absolutely no privacy, your younger siblings knew no boundaries

school was the only other option in your head so you took it. one free period you took the medication, some water and headed down to the sixth form single toilets and locked yourself in there

'it looks easy in movies'

you downed the whole pack and more, nearly gagging on the amount you took

you waited ten minutes because that's how it worked on tv. they took the pills and were gone

oh how wrong the movies are

'quick and painless'

half an hour later is when it all started to kick in. your face yellowed, a burning sensation ripped through your body and crawled over your skin

long story short.. you threw the medication out, granted some blood rose with it but you lived although you didn't feel 'alive' so you tried again a week later.. that's when scarlett found you

'what's the quickest way?'

she took you into her office, shut the door and locked it

"sweetheart, drink this" she held up a clear water bottle to your lips but the thought of the liquid only made you feel more nauseous then you already were

you wanted to shake your head or tell her no but you couldn't process the movement nor the sound

you could tell the woman in front of you was trying to stay calm herself but seeing you in such a state literally broke her, she felt broken and helpless in the sense that she didn't know what to do

'it's too much'

all the remaining energy your body had was focussed on not throwing up as you tried to get your mind to focus solely on scarlett

'if i weren't here then they'd be nothing more to try and live up to'

how her knees felt against yours as she sat on a chair ahead of you. how she smelt like vanilla and a little bit of coconut, probably from her shampoo

"please" she pleaded holding one of your scorching cheeks with one of her cooling, soft hands and raising the drink to your lips with the other "i need you to do this"

'it would all stop'

when your body didn't comply  to her request the tears trailed her face without permitted passage

"you can always talk to me when you feel like this, okay? i don't care whether it's three in the morning, i will pick up the phone" the bottle was long forgotten on the floor as she held your face and leant her forehead on yours

'i want it over with'

the coolness of her skin clashed like water does fire on your face

you slumped into her body, she took the message and enveloped you in a sense of security only her arms could give you

it was somewhat calming. she didn't try and convince you into continuing for her needs and wants, she didn't try and convince you that you were thinking something you weren't. the blonde just held you and spoke a thousand words through a clarifying silence

scar <3

you
are you awake by chance? x

scar
hey, my love :)
yeah, i'm awake
you okay? xx

you
i didn't wake you, did i?!

scar
are you okay? xx

you
are you? x

it was true, you had woken her up but of course she wasn't going to tell you because you'd feel guilty about it and she also wasn't going to lie to you but saying 'no'

your reversal of her question was also answer enough to her question as you too weren't going to lie to her

scar
i'll be round in five minutes, alright? get that fluffy blanket out for me, yeah? x

you
thank you <3

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low-key wish scar was there the second time ngl :/