listen to ghostin by ariana grande while reading. that's what i listened to when writing, and it helped.
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chapter fifty-three
i climb on top of him, kissing him hard.
hyunjin pulls me flush into his chest. he leans forward, pressing his lips to mine.
my hand traces down his chest, pulling his shirt over his head. my legs straddle his waist as he sits against the headboard, holding me close with his hand firmly snaked around my middle.
i drag my fingers through his hair, gripping his roots gently while his hands fumble with the buttons of my pyjama shirt.
"wait" i pull away, his eyebrows furrow with concern. "everything okay?" a few moments of silence pass, my thoughts cloud my mind.
"i think i can forgive you" i blurt out, locking eyes with him.
he smiles.
"but that doesn't mean i'll forget" my eyes gloss over, i can feel my throat tightening.
"i understand"
"you say you love me" i continue.
"i do" he replies softly.
"but if you loved me, you wouldn't have done what you did" i can't hold them back anymore, the tears. they slide down my cheek, one by one. despite the intimate position we're sitting in, and the shit that i've dealt with over the past few days, i'll always have nothing but love for this boy.
i watch his own eyes brim with water.
"you broke my heart. how can i be sure you won't break it again?" tears rapidly fall down my cheeks, blurring my vision.
"i know you don't trust me yet. i hate myself for hurting you. all i can think about is how you must've felt, seeing me" his voice is hoarse, laced with regret.
"can you walk me through what happened that night?" he wipes away at his wet cheeks, then mine.
"sure. when da-eun approached me, she confessed. she told me how she's been wanting to be with me since before i met." i gulp silently.
"i told her no, of course. a couple seconds after rambling on about how perfect she is for me, she pulled me into the kiss. i pulled away immediately, but da-eun doesn't stop. she never does. she pulled me back down, and for a second i kissed back. then i saw you."
i say nothing.
"thank you for telling me" i climb off of his legs, and lay next to him, staring up at the ceiling. pulling the blanket up to my chest, i wait until sleep arrives.
- i blink my eyes awake, sitting up in bed.
my head turns to face him, but he's not there. that's when the faint smell of pancakes hits my nostrils.
