2. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGIN. STORIES OF A FUTURE TO BE TOLD (ENG VERSION)

34. The birthday curse

The weekend arrived and on Friday night, at the stroke of midnight Can placed a letter he had written in his own hand on his sleeping wife's bedside table and went out.

Sanem only realised the letter in the morning, when after yet another night spent sleeping with her children, she went to her room to change.

Entering the still dark room quietly, it took her a few minutes to realise that the bed was empty. Made up. As if no one had slept there.

"He must have gone out for a run." she thought.

She went to the windows and drew the curtains, letting the light in. She looked around.

Yes, the room was indeed empty.

Suddenly, however, she was attracted by something.

She walked over to her bedside table and noticed a sealed envelope with her name written on it.

She immediately recognised Can's handwriting and opened it.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and began to read.

"My beloved Sanem,

I don't know if, and when, you will read this letter.

Perhaps recognising my writing you will avoid it, as you have avoided me these days, but a little voice inside me hopes you will open it.

The last few weeks have been turbulent. And I am mainly to blame for that. I realize that now. I have thought a lot these last few days of silence, I have tried several times to approach you, and explain to you in words, but on your part, I have found a high and solid wall, which has made me back up several times. I know that you are offended and angry with me, and I understand and respect your desire to keep your distance. That is why I am writing these lines to you.

You know that unlike you, writing is very difficult for me. I have spent sleepless nights searching for the right words, and I don't even know if the following are the right ones, I can only tell you that I wrote from my heart because I want you to know this:

I love you Sanem.

I love you to death.

I have always loved you and I will always love you.

You are everything to me.

You are my breath, my life, my soul, my world and my universe.

At this point Sanem was forced to stop. Because the tears and the heavy lump in her throat prevented her from going on. She covered her mouth with her free hand. She breathed slowly, and forced herself to continue.

It may be too late now and you will never forgive me, but you are right. I deserve your coldness.

Because once again I was mean, intrusive, possessive, and I hurt you. I hurt you in the ugliest possible way.

I curse myself for what I said and thought about our children.

I wanted to retort at that very moment, but I couldn't. The words got stuck on the tip of my tongue.

You are not a bad mother at all, nor are you irresponsible.

You are a present, funny, loving and caring mother, and as I have said before, our children could not have a better one. In my eyes there is not, and never will be, a better mother than you.

For this, forgive me if you can.

Please forgive me Sanem, because these days without you, have been eternal. Without your face, your smile and a look from you I feel lost.