I Can't Help It - Steve Rogers

Chapter 36

The long jet journey consisted of everyone sitting in silence while Tony and Maria talked and Clint flying. Steve and Rachel stayed seated beside each other, their hands locked and eventually Rachel stopped shaking and only her hands shook. When she finally felt herself relax, she leaned into Steve and tried to stay as relaxed as possible, even with the memory replaying in her mind, her death grip on Steve's hand never faltering.

Clint landed the jet outside a farm before supporting Nat and leading everyone to the front door. Everyone looks around in confusion, trying to figure out what this place is. Well, everyone except Nat and Rachel. "Honey, I'm home" Clint calls as he enters the house and his pregnant wife, Laura appears from around the corner. "I have company. Sorry I didn't call ahead" he apologises as he greets her with a kiss and a loving hug. The rest of the team enter the room and stand side by side as they watch in shock. Clint introduces Laura to the group, the gentlemen since Nat and Rachel already know her. "I know all your names" Laura chuckles with a small wave.

Footsteps can be heard from within the house and everyone looks to the stairs. "Oh, incoming" Clint mutters before his daughter and son run into the room. "Hi, sweetheart. Hey, buddy" he greets them with hugs and kisses. Everyone watches in complete confusion and Tony tries justifying it with 'their agents'. "Did you bring Auntie Nat?" the daughter, Lila asks. "Why don't you hug her and find out?" Nat states from across the room. Lila smiles widely and runs to give Nat a hug. Lila notices Rachel and smiles widely again. Rachel sends her own gentle smile at the young girl. "Auntie Rachel!" Lila shouts in excitement and runs towards Rachel. She lets out a laugh as she lifts Lila off her feet. Steve watches as Rachel finally smiles, a real smile and he feels himself relax slightly.

"Sorry for barging in on you" Steve apologises to Laura. "Yeah, we would have called ahead but we were busy having no idea that you existed" Tony adds, stepping on Steve's polite apology. "Yeah, well Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off Shield's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figured it's a good place to lay low" Clint explains.

Nat and Rachel greet Laura with a group hug, they haven't seen each other in a long while. "How's little Natasha?" Nat asks as she touches Laura's large bump. "I think you mean Rachel" Rachel argues. "She's Nathaniel" Laura answers apologetically with a cringe. Nat leans down to the bump with a frown and whispers a 'traitor' and Rachel laughs at her. Thor suddenly leaves and Steve follows behind him. Rachel watches Steve leaves and debates whether to follow him or not but decides not to. She looks back to see Laura already looking at her sympathetically. "I've missed you" Rachel states with a small smile as she hugs her. "I've missed you too" Laura replies kindly.

When Laura lets Rachel know what room her and Steve can use, Rachel goes to find Steve. Only she finds him sitting on the front porch and she sits beside him quietly before letting him know that they can change upstairs. They go upstairs and Rachel washes up first and then changes while Steve washes up too. She sits on the bed, cross-legged while she waits for Steve to come out of the bathroom. However, when he leaves the bathroom he finds her sitting on the bed, staring into space, unaware that he's re-entered the room. She's pulled out of her daze when he sits beside her and she looks at him, the tears having collected in her eyes while she daydreamed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Steve checks as he pushes her hair behind her ear. "No. I'm not okay" she finally admits after sighing deeply. "I'm here if you want to talk" he assures her and she gives him a smile. "Can I tell you about my vision?" she asks hesitantly. "Of course you can" he instantly replies. "It was a memory, mostly" she starts and takes a deep breath as she feels her hands start to shake again. "It was the day I was kidnapped by the agency who trained me and experimented on me. I was 16 at home with my parents when these men just barged in. When they tried taking me, my parents protested and tried to fight them so the men just... shot them. Right in front of me" she explains between shaky breaths and wipes the tears from her face. "Oh baby" Steve mutters as he wraps and arm around her shoulders. "My vision had more to it though. You turned up, trying to stop them from taking me. So they shot you too" she adds, releasing a sob at the thought of it.

Steve wraps her in a tight hug as she sobs before pulling away and wiping her tears. "Look at me" he says as he holds her face in his hands. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm here to stay" he assures her and she nods. "It just felt so real. I've relived that memory in my dreams, almost every night. But it's never felt that real" she states and Steve looks at her surprised. How could she have been dreaming about it every night without him knowing? They've been sharing the same bed for months. "What? You've been dreaming about it?" he questions. "I get nightmares a lot" she answers shamefully. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks her worriedly. "I didn't want to wake you during the night. I guess I never move much or make much noise when I have them, so I don't wake you up" she suggests with a shrug, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Rach, I want to help you. If you get a nightmare, wake me up. I don't care what time of the night it is. I want to be there for you, I'll always be there for you" he tells her as he raises her head to look at him and she nods in agreement. He pulls her into a loving kiss, causing her to relax, especially now that she's gotten that awful memory off her chest and has finally told him. She's been wanting to but could never find the time, she was worried he'd look at her differently. See her as fragile, broken but she knows now that he wouldn't see her in that light. Ever.