I Can't Help It - Steve Rogers

Chapter 43

Rachel sighs as she feels the rays of sunlight landing on her face, waking her up. She relaxes as she realises she slept the whole night without any nightmares. Since she told Steve about her nightmares he's always assured her that she can wake him if she wants to. She still feels reluctant to do so but most nights he wakes when she starts crying or moving in her sleep. Ever since she was forced to relive the memory of being kidnapped and watching her parents being killed, her nightmares have been worse than they were before. She thrashes more and cries in her sleep, followed by pleas and whimpers. The memories of it all are much more fresh than they were before Wanda gave her the vision. In addition to this, she now has more nightmares about Steve getting hurt by the agency who trained her.

On the nights where Steve's woken up by her crying or moving, he gently wakes her. She wakes in shock either way and her breathing is jagged but Steve quickly assures her she's safe and he's there. Her breathing steadies as Steve holds her close and eventually she falls asleep. Steve always stays awake a little longer to make sure she doesn't have another one and when he knows she's sleeping peacefully, he goes back to sleep.

Whereas, on the nights that Rachel wakes on her own and Steve isn't disturbed by her nightmares, she sits up in bed and calms herself down. It takes her longer than it does when Steve comforts her but she refuses to disturb him. He needs sleep just as much as she does. When she struggles to calm herself and feels her breathing quicken and the tears continuing to flow down her cheeks, she wakes Steve. She calls him and squeezes his arm while her other hand shakes against her chest. Once he wakes, he comforts her the same way he does every time and she sleeps for the rest of the night.

Thankfully, over time she's been having less nightmares and more full nights of sleep and she's very pleased with this fact. However, Steve may be more pleased than she is. It tears him apart to see her hurting and terrified and his blood boils when he thinks of the people who did this to her. The people who traumatised her and ruined her life.

Rachel opens her eyes to see Steve lying in front of her, still sleeping peacefully. She just lies in front of him, watching him sleep. His long lashes resting on his cheekbones and his blonde hair slightly dishevelled. Now, she just has to wait until he opens his eyes and she can see his mesmerizingly blue eyes. "You know it's rude to stare" Steve says with a smile while keeping his eyes closed. His groggy morning voice making Rachel feel even more attracted to him. "I can't help it" she chuckles as he opens his eyes, revealing his gorgeous blue eyes to Rachel.

"You slept the whole night" Steve states as he pulls her closer to him by the waist. "Yes, I did" she replies proudly and rests her hands on his bare chest. "So..." he starts before pecking her lips. "What do you wanna do today?" he finishes and tucks her hair behind her ear. "I don't know, let's just stay like this for a while" she answers and snuggles into him, causing him to let out a small laugh. Suddenly, Rachel's phone pings but she ignores it as she lays with Steve. A few seconds later, it pings again and Steve glances to her bedside tablet to see her phone screen lighting up. "Are you sure you don't wanna get that?" he asks her. "Yeah, just ignore it" she answers.

Her phone pings once again, followed by another so she groans becoming irritated by the constant pinging. She pushes off of Steve as he laughs at her frustration. She rolls over to grab her phone and reads the notifications, seeing them from an unknown number. She frowns at the screen and unlocks her phone to read the messages. The first message reads 'You can't hide forever', already causing an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. The message is followed by another 3. The messages read 'If you don't return to the agency...' and 'We'll kill your new family'. The final message caused bile to rise up Rachel's throat as she read 'Including your perfect little Captain'. She stared at the messages in fear, it couldn't be, this must be a joke.

As she starts convincing herself that these messages are fake, a video comes through and Rachel sees the face of her mistress. The head of the agency, the one who kept close eyes on her while she was at the agency, especially since she was the only agent who was experimented on. Rachel was about to start the video but Steve's voice interrupted her thoughts and reminded her that she wasn't alone. "Everything okay?" he asks as he looks at her, unable to see her face as she has her back turned to him. Rachel is thankful for this as she realises her facial expression would tell Steve that everything is not okay.

"Yeah, it's nothing" she answers and turns off her phone. She turns back around to face him and gives him her best smile. "You sure?" he frowns at her, unsure whether to believe her. She was silent for a while and didn't move a muscle but she insists that she's fine. He accepts her answer but remains aware that something may be wrong. They wrap their arms around each other and Rachel lays her head on his chest, keeping her face out of Steve's view as her expression changes from one of calmness to one of complete stress. Steve rubs her back subconsciously as he tries to rake his brain for a reason for her sudden change in mood. He knows that she thinks he has no idea but he knows her better than she thinks he does but he doesn't want to push her. He'll let her come to him.