Listens to Memories | Voiceless Duology 2 | COMPLETED

Kabanata 33

Escape

I still don't understand why I deserved to be hurt in my past. I don't get the reason why all this pain turned into traumas and issues I have no idea how to resolve. I don't think I will ever have a chance to fully grasp what all these sufferings mean, because, at the end of the day, I always forgive.

And I continuously forgive them even without their apologies. I still love them even though there are fears of the history they carved on my skin. I still care even if my trust was milk-powdered.

I hate that I was called resilient for responding greatly to my trauma. I hate that I am being bamboozled by all the what-ifs, the how-it-happened, the go-with-the-flow. I hate that I am undeserving of this hatred, but it never left me since the day it enters.

I am mad, because all my life, I am wondering what did I do to deserve all this pain. That even after all the tiring days, I spent just to be brave enough to fight alone, I'm still weak.

"Do you really need to do this? Hindi ba't mas lalong delikado roon dahil wala kayong kasama." Levi told me as I packed our things. Si Zick ay nasa sala kasama si Astraea at ang anak nito.

Saglit ko siyang tiningnan.

"Hindi ba't tago ang Tierra Fima? Matagal na mula nang huli akong pumunta roon. I think it's safe." Walang emosyong sagot ko sa kaniya at tinapos na ang pag iimpake ko.

Narinig ko pa ang marahas na buntong-hininga niya bago ako tinulungan sa ginagawa ko.

"How was the hearing? I heard napawalang sala na ang magkapatid. Hindi na ako nakapunta dahil may inaasikaso ako sa kompanya." Pagpapatuloy nito.

Umupo ako sa kama at napatulala. The hearing just ended the other day. It was the last hearing of Kiel and Benjamin at katulad ng inaasahan ay napawalang-sala na ang dalawa. Tita Liza and Jack was very happy that day of the hearing. Kahit ako ay masaya dahil inaamin ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi nila deserve na makulong dahil sa kasalanan ng ibang tao- at tatay pa nila ang may kagagawan. I am fully aware of what was going on behind my back. It's just that it is so hard to accept lalo na ang mga sinabi ni Calix nang araw na iyon.

Hindi ko kayang tanggapin na mula't sapul ay may kinalaman siya sa lahat.

"Ayos naman." Tipid na sagot ko kay Levi at tamad na bumuntong-hininga.

Maya-maya pa, tumayo na ito at nanatiling nakatayo lang sa harapan ko kaya tiningnan ko siya. Punong-puno ng pag-aalala ang mga mata nito habang nag-iigting ang panga.

"Ihahatid ko kayo sa farm. Let's just use the private plane," sabi niya sa baritono niyang boses.

Napatango lamang ako at bumaling na sa ginagawa ko. Saglit pa akong natahimik habang siya ay nanatiling nakatayo pa rin doon kaya tinulak ko na siya.

"What is wrong with you?" I irritably asked him.

He cussed multiple times which made me look at him.

"That Calix. Nakalabas na ba ng hospital ang gagong 'yon?" Galit na tanong niya sa 'kin kaya napairap ako sa kaniya.

"Stop, Lev. He's still recovering and-"

"At napatawad mo na agad? Seryoso ka ba?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya sa 'kin.

Tumawa ako nang mapait at napayuko. Ramdam ko pa rin ang kirot sa puso ko nang maalala ko ang mga ipinagtapat niya sa 'kin nang araw na iyon. Na sa sobrang sakit ay hindi ko maisip nang tuluyan na kaya niyang gawin iyon sa akin at sa pamilya ko.

"I've never betrayed someone who trusts me, but why do I always keep getting betrayed?" I uttered and cleared my throat. Pakiramdam ko ay may malaki na namang nakabara doon.