| twenty-seven; beliefs & fate |
My phone vibrates underneath the pillow, alarming me with the text tone. I curse under my breath, lifting my ear off and fumble for it from under. Turning it on, I rub my eyes awake and lazily crack an eye open to check the time.
12:26 pm
It's already noon? That means I have an hour to get ready and meet the girls at the smoothie place. I go to my texts to see who just texted me.
[1 new message from unknown number! @ 12:25]
Unknown: hi, we're dating. bye :)
What the actual fluck? So I wake up to some random stranger confirming we're dating. Great. Just great.
me: who tf is this???
The person took a second to reply that I didn't even have to wait.
Unknown: guess
me: idk my mom? the easter bunny? a bassist from new zealand?
I really hope it's the last one... but then again I have his number saved so it wouldn't be him. Dammit. That's when someone else pops up in my mind.
me: luke?
Unknown: ding ding ding we have a winner ;D
me: fuck you
Unknown: what
me: YOU PRICK YOU DRUGGED ME TWO NIGHTS AGO AND U JUST LEFT ME THERE
Unknown: okay I'm sorry :-( I didn't mean to!! it was a dare from nathan!!
me: so you listen to him?????
Unknown: well it was a dare :-/ so
me: you dumb breadstick go suck another virgin's cock
Unknown: I didn't even suck yours... pLUs WHY DOES EVERYONE SUDDENLY CALL ME A BREADSTICK TF
me: bc you are one
I take this opportunity to change the contact name and save it.
me: how'd you even find my number? you creep.
breadstick: um I have my ways..
me: as in?
breadstick: my ways.
me: gerard way? ❤
breadstick: totally!!!
"Loser." I cough out loud.
me: okay so back to the point, what do u mean we're dating?
breadstick: everyone thought we were dating or just hooking up so I told them we're dating. I didn't think you'd be able to handle anymore of you "hooking up" w/ 89% of the 11th grade guys so I just said we're dating now. so yayyy you're my new "girlfriend"
me: omfg r u serious?!
breadstick: sorry :-/ plus we won't actually be dating
YOU ARE READING
dickaphobia ➲ c.h
Fanfictiondickaphobia; (n) the fear of dicks and being creeped out by them. © sleepydrummers 2k15 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. #26 in Humor/#129 in Fanfiction