Relationships. They are essential in everyone's lives, including yours. But what is love? What is friendship? Will you ever know? That's what you wish to find out, and will get the answer in the most confusing way possible.
A lot of people ask me, "Why do you do things the way you do them," or they ask, "Why are you the way that you are?"
And I don't really know how to respond to that.
Maybe I'm just influenced by what I see and hear everyday, or maybe I have a complete disregard for everything I see and hear. There's no difference.
Maybe it's because of how my parents raised me up and how they cared for me, or the lack of care they may have shown me.
Maybe it's the relationships I've built with the people around me.
Whatever it may be, I don't have an answer for anyone who asks me those questions.
Y/N: "Why am I even thinking about this...?"
I sat in class, shaking my head, eventually placing it down onto my desk. I never really had anyone to talk to whenever I was in here.
Even in other schools, I'd always be seated away from all my friends, so I never really ever got a chance to speak to any of them besides the 5 minute break between classes.
That's partially the reason why I'm so used to using myself as an excuse to do things.
Take recently, for example, Sagami.
When we were on the roof, alongside Hayama and two other girls, I spoke her true colors, showing what she was doing under every piece of makeup.
In the end, the entire school knew what I had done, and they ridiculed me for being the rude one. Which, to be fair, was true.
But it didn't really bother me in the slightest. The most I missed out on was a party, which I wasn't planning on going to anyway.
No one looked at Sagami's dark side, or her true intentions behind her actions. They all looked at me for showing them off. I took the hit instead of Sagami.
I've always acted that way before as well. Where I simply throw myself out there to take the hit instead of someone else, not because it's noble, but because no one gets hurt.
No one but me.
But I'm practically the embodiment of, "no one," so in the end, the problem is resolved and we all move on with our lives.
That's the way I've been doing things for a long time now, and I'm not ashamed of it. There has been no one that sympathizes for me, besides myself.
You get kind of used to that after a while.
Totsuka: "H-Hey, Y/N!"
Y/N: "Hm? Oh, Totsuka." I sat upright in my seat instead of laying down.
Totsuka: "Hey! So, uhh, y'know how we're going on the whole field trip thingy?"
Y/N: "Yeah, I know."
We were having a field trip to go to some cultural sites in Kyoto.
Totsuka: "R-Right! So, umm, I wanted to talk to you because... The c-class is supposed to be put into groups and stuff... and I don't have anyone to group with..."
He pressed the tips of his fingers together, looking at me shyly.
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