Strawberry And Cigarettes || ONEUS Leeon

46

"Xion?" I.M force his feet towards Xion who by now turned around, face full of tears. "I'm so sorry." Pulling him into his chest as Xion softly punches his chest. "Why? Why? Why?" Each word he spoke stung even more. 

"You didn't even think of telling me?! You had the guts to waltz into my house, my life again after how many years with that fucking smirk on you face, pretending all is well even though you were dying. Did you just come here to say bye, is that how you see me??!" Xion huffed and puffed, his breath hitches every sentence he says. "Or was it just sweeten me up before you me the truth that you were actually the one who killed Wonho? Did you come here to beg for my forgiveness."

"No. No. No!  That's not it Xion. I had  never   had any bad intentions for you. Everything I did and do is for you. I blame myself for Wonho's death. I admit, I accept the blame, I gotten my punishment. I never wanted to see anything from you." I.M cried, gripping Xion's shirt so tight his fingers turned white. 

 "I hate you! I hate you, you know that!. I fucking hate how you think that you have no one. I hate how you never think for yourself. I hate how much you want to leave this world because you keep blaming yourself. Thinking Wonho wanted this "punishment" for you! I HATE how you pretend everything is fine for me, hiding things from me because you want to protect me, because -" Xion voice softens, "because you love me so much you couldn't see me hurt, didn't think I could handle it."

"What?" Coming out as a whisper. I.M was in shock of Xion had to say.

"How could you hide such things from me only because you THOUGHT I was that fragile. Did you ever think how this would have affected me? How I would feel? To find out you died from cancer because of some money company knocks on my door one day and tells me I inherited money and property because someone really important to me never told me he had cancer?!"

Thinking such horrid thoughts made Xion's eyes water once again. Sinking down to the floor, his legs no longer have the strength in them to hold him up.  The two slowly sank onto the floor, hugging each other tightly, letting each other's tears come out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Xion asks, pulling away from the hug.

"I-I didn't know how. I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

"You had two months to tell me, yet you didn't. I read all of it (referring to the letter), it said you came here to town 2 months ago. You lived here for 2 months and I didn't even know? Then you suddenly popped up in front of my house a couple weeks ago, just casually talking to my mom?"

"Xion I-I didn't have much time. I needed to get things in order. I had to sell my house while finding a rent here before buying another house. I had to get things (the will and testament) ready, I couldn't just leave things like this."

"I don't want your fucking money, or your fucking property! You didn't think it would hurt me?!" Xion yelled. More from being hurt than actually angry. "You thought me finding out you're fucking dead when I went back (to his hometown). Knock on the door and be like "hyung is dead, oh ok"! You didn't think it would affect me?! You're so fucking selfish, hyung!"

"Xion, listen to me, I did this to make sure you're taken care of. Trust me when I say I didn't have time. Dad died of a heart attack only a month earlier than I found out about the mass. Mom, I didn't give a fuck about her, our dad choose his kids, you included over her because he knew she was homophobic. I-I was alone. Who am I going to turn to?"

"Who? Have you ever thought about me? ME! You could've turned to me and I guaranteed mom would help you too. And why didn't you tell me dad died? He wasn't just your dad, I considered him as my dad too. How could this happen?"

"I-I couldn't. I-I let you down so many times that I just couldn't. You-you already lost Wonho, I couldn't possibly drag you into another death. Besides, I thought you were still angry at me."

"Hyung, you not telling me hurts more. An-and angry at you? For what?"

"For-for the death of Wonho...for being the reason you had to move away. Because you felt so lonely that night that I kissed you. It was all my fault this whole shit happened."

"You're right, that kiss wasn't supposed to happen. But I was so broken after Wonho's death that my young dumb heart that kissing you would fill that void...it did for a while, it just felt different. At the same time I got you into trouble. I know the reason I moved. You weren't the only one who overheard it that day. I was planning to go back to see you after finishing school, but I guess you beat me to it." He scoffed, letting out a small laugh at the same time, but at the same time tears dripped down his cheeks.

" Doongdoongie, I'm here now. I'm so sorry. I love you." The two embraced each other tightly.

Xion melted into the crock of his neck, soaking in the comfort as much as possible, the scent he hasn't felt in a long time. Although he was starting to think the hug was getting too long. "Hyung" rubbing his back to bring I.M back to the present, however there was no response. "Hyung?" Concern seeps into his voice.

As soon as he pulled out of the hug, I.M immediately slumped to his side, his head almost hitting the floor. "Oh my god, oh my god."  Realizing I.M was unconscious. His body had gone into complete shock from stress.

The next hour will become a blur to Xion. After I.M collapsed, Xion called the ambulance, called Leedo who was waiting for them downstairs. Hours of waiting and waiting. Many more tears were shed, more comfort from friends and boyfie Leedo. Though worry sank his heart down for the most of the night.

"Please, you have to save him. You have it." Xion begs one of the nurses who was rushing to assist the others.

"We will try our hardest. It's a good thing he decided at the last minute not to sign the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate)." The nurse mumbles before rushing away unaware loud enough for Xion to hear.