Changes - lee donghyuck, haechan

38

"I know what I want Aera!" Donghyuck screeched impatiently. He paused and his eyes analyzed my face for answers.

I didn't know how the events had escalated to this.

"Do you know what you want?" I couldn't say anything. I lowered my gaze. I couldn't ignore the way my chest suddenly felt uneasy.

"Do you? Because I like you, and you say you like me too but you're pushing me away... Don't do that. Don't push me away, Aera" he pleaded almost helplessly. He brushed a hand down his face and repeated the action.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

"You don't understand. I'm scared!" I stared at his face. My eyes danced around his features. I could see the tension between his eyebrows. I hated that I was the cause of it.

"You aren't an everyday person, things can happen." I breathed out softly. I knew he would still be able to hear me. We stood a foot apart yet it somehow felt like I was far away. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

I held my breath when I heard his scoff.

"I'm not an everyday person, huh?" He licked his lips in an annoyed manner to which I could only continue to feel my nerves grow. We had never had such a serious conversation. This felt too intense. Whatever we'd say would hurt the other badly.

"I am an everyday person. My job is not an everyday job but I'm an everyday person. I-" he let out a breath of disbelief. I feared he'd misinterpreted my words. I'd never want to hurt him.

"You are an Idol! You are different from everyone else!" I pleaded for him to understand. Desperate for him to reason with me. It didn't matter how many times I tried to find his eyes he continued to stare off into something behind me. It didn't feel like him.

I couldn't fathom that we were having this conversation. How we had just been in each other embrace just minutes ago and here we stood.

"You have to follow rules that other people don't. I can ruin your career just by being with you, everything you've ever worked for. You know this! This is why we sneak around all the time and you're not being careful enough! What we're doing is scary and you know it! If they see you here, if anyone sees you here, what will SM think? What will the media say? You know what we're up against Donghyuck!" I continued exasperated. I waved my arms around wildly as I spoke.

We both knew this wasn't as easy as just what I wanted. This was far deeper than just two people dating each other. I wasn't the bad guy.

A couple of silent seconds passed after my outburst. I feared that I had overreacted, that I had said the wrong thing, that he was mad. All these thoughts swarmed around my head and the simple slump of his shoulder felt like the loudest thing in the room. His gaze fell to the ground, he was fighting a battle he could never win. Suddenly, his eyes began to water, but he didn't look forward or move an inch.

"Donghyuck?"

"All I did was like a girl" His gaze still stayed trained on the floor. I listened quietly.

"All I did was like a girl and I can't even do that" listening to him say these words felt like the biggest slap in the face.

How hard was all of this on him? Having all of these restrictions controlling and dictating your life. Prohibiting you from doing the things you truly wanted. I could date anyone I wanted, but he couldn't.

I reached over to him. Gripping his hand in mine. "That's not true, you can like anyone." I almost whispered. He didn't even flinch. He just stared dejected at the ground. Even when I tried to softly squeeze his hand, nothing.