Colby Brock Angst

52

Trigger Warnings: Self Harm, Eating Disorder, Mental Health, suicide mentions

( This is gonna be if colby didn't die in the chapter 'Accused Facade')

Title: Unworthy.

3rd POV:

Everything got so much worse after colbys attempt..
The entire Internet found out and figured that he only did it to not deal with the consequences of what he 'did'

That wasn't the case at all.

Colby was in hospital for 4 days after his attempt.

But he's been home for a month now.

And he's still suffering.

He was burning himself alot more and cutting now.
He wouldn't eat. Even when someone was around he'd just stare blankly at the food.

"Come in man I haven't seen you eat anything in days." Jake said sadly

"Not hungry." colby said blandly.

It's true. He wasn't. He lost his appetite after he was accused. He didn't do it obviously but his brain told him he didn't deserve to eat.

He aimlessly scrolled through his phone knowing it was a bad idea but after a while the idea of the hate became comforting to him.

Yes it made him want to burn himself but it proved he was still relevant.

"Dude what's on your arm?" Corey asked noticing the faded scars.

"What does it look like" Colby snapped.

"Don't tell me your cutting colby..." Corey asked.

"So fuckin what if I am. It will just kill me quicker and then you won't have to deal with me. Fuck off." colby snapped again.

"Dude.. We're the only ones who have been on your side why are you being like this. We understand that your upset with everything-"

"THAT'S JUST IT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU DINT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR THE ENTIRE INTERNET TO THINK YOUR A FUCKING RAPIST WHEN YOUR NOT. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TK BE TOO SCARED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE BECAUSE OF THE IDEA THAT SOMEONE COULD FUCKING HURT YOU. STOP TELLING ME YOU UNDERSTAND." Colby shouted

Corey flinched and walked away.

" your making it harder and harder to belive that your innocent. "he muttered.

That burned a hole straight through colbys heart.

" I- Corey I'm sor-"he tried to apologise.

" Forget it colby. Maybe the fans were right about you." Corey spat and walked away.

Colby ran upstairs to his room doing his usual shiver when he walked in.

This is the place he got the shit kicked out of him.
Where he tried to end it..

He walked into the bathroom looking for his unused razor blade.

He brought it to his forearm and started slicing it slowly.

Wincing everytime the blade went over his arm or over the old scars.

The blood leaked out onto colbys counter.

His eyes filled with tears.
He took one more look at the blade and at his arm before carving the words 'Guilty' Into it.

He wrapped in with some toilet roll and threw a jumper on..

He threw himself onto his bed covering himself with the sheets. 

He got lost in thought when jake came into the room.

"Dude.. DUDE" Jake shouted pulling colby out of the trance.

"What.." Colby mumbled

"why is Corey in a shitty mood." Jake asked

"Cus I yelled at him. And then he told me I'm making it harder to believe im innocent." colby said blankly.

"Right well Corey and Sam have gone out it's just us" Jake said grabbing colbys arm to pull him out of bed
He winced as jakes arm grazed along his cuts.
He pulled his arm back quickly and got up himself.

"What was that?" Jake asked.

"N-Nothing"

"Come on your filming a video with me." Jake said as we walked downstairs to his room.

"dude..i haven't been on camera since I was accused." colby said quietly.

"Well.. This is to help you with eating.. Were doing a mukbang." Jake said, colbys eyes went wide.
But not wide enough for Jake to see.

"I- okay..." Colby whispered he sat down while Jake set up the camera, colbys stomach grumbled looking at all the food on the table. He didn't deserve to eat anything.

"Hey guys. Its Jake and today we're joined with the colbster we're doin a mukbang. We just gonna talk and eat and have a good time so let's get started." Jake said as he handed colby a box of food.

Colby took in a deep breath and opened the box.
"you know your gonna get so much hate from this video" Colby spoke quietly.
He put one of the chips in his mouth, immediately feeling sick.

"You didn't do anything wrong they can fuck off" Jake spoke shoving food into his mouth.

After the mukbang was filmed colby went upstairs immediately throwing all the food back up.
He sat by his toilet crying.

He wanted to go back to when everyone didn't see him as a rapist.
When he could leave the house without the fear of being killed.

He decided it was finally time to speak up on it.

He took his jumper off and set his camera up.

He started recording taking a deep breath and walking into frame.

He sat down on the couch and clasped his hands together
"So... I've been gone for a while.." colby started.

"And Uhm.. I think its time I spoke up on everything. And I'm just gonna start off and say. First off. All these accusations being made about me are completely false. And I will get into that. Second of all. I'm gonna explain about how these accusations have affected me. And this isn't going to be a YouTube apology of me crying into the camera. Because I've done nothing wrong. I was wrongfully accused of something very serious. And I suffered consequences of the things that i didn't even do. "Colby breathed.

" Let's start from the beginning a month and a half ago a girl who goes by the name of Lucia Sarns came out on twitter and said that I sexually assaulted her. Now this isn't true. Whatsoever. And I find it absolutely disgusting that someone would even accuse me of that. Now I suffered the consequences of this. I've not left the house in almost 2 months because of how bad people have been trying to get to me. To the point we're I was home alone one night and lucias boyfriend. Broke into my house and beat the shit out of me. Carving the word rapist into my stomach in the process. "Colby lifted the hem of his shirt as proof..

" guilty people don't litteraly scream and beg for the person hurting them to stop. Okay. I was screaming to the point I lost my voice. Trying to get this guy who's name is Chris. To stop beating the shit out of me. I am completely innocent in this and it's affected me to the point I tried to end my own life. Which you guys all know about and said I did it to avoid my consequences. Which again isn't true. I did it because I couldn't handle the entire goddamn world thinking I was a rapist when I'm not. "Colbys voice shook.

" Over these past few months. I have gotten an eating disorder and I've been struggling with self harm. Because of the accusations. And I needed to get this off my chest. I don't expect any of you to believe me because it's always 'Believe the victim' but I promise you when I say, I am innocent" Colby said before turning the camera off.

He edited and uploaded the video and watched as the comments drifted in. He decided he'd wait another day to read them

And that's what he did. He went to bed glad that he got it off his chest.

(A/n- this was a request from
colbyssnowmenboxers
Theyre really cool, I hope you enjoyed this :)))