𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐃 | 𝐃. 𝐃𝐢𝐕𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨 |

08

SERENITY PAYTON

"Are you still in love with Donte?" Jaren asked, not breaking eye contact with me.

The look in his eyes was almost dangerous; it was like he knew the answer...he knew the truth, but this was the final test.

I could see it in his eyes that he was hoping that I said no; so that I could pick him over Donte once and for all, but then...there was a part of him that knew that I wasn't going to pick him, and he was choosing to shove that part of him aside.

I wasn't going to tell him what it was that he wanted to hear...I was going to tell him the truth. Which is exactly what he needed to hear. He deserved to know...he didn't need for me to keep leading him on and selling him a lie.

Most importantly, I didn't even want to be in a relationship anymore. I needed to be for myself, my career, and my son.

I needed to focus on myself and better myself for the greater good; and I couldn't keep depending on others for my happiness!

My happiness should be my happiness and it should be genuine...not forced or dependent on someone or anyone else but me, myself, and my son.

"Yes, I am..." I mumbled, finally meeting Jaren's eye.

Jaren looked as if I had slapped him and laughed in disbelief, shaking his head slightly, his eyes forming into slits. "Are you kidding me?"

"No..." I shook my head and pushed my hair from my face. "I'm serious. I know that you want to deny it, but you know that you see it, too, Jaren."

Jaren shook his head as if he was trying to deny it and scoffed, "This is un-fucking-believable..."

"And I owe you an apology as well," I admitted, trying my hardest to start crying. "I shouldn't have even...continued to lead you on for this long. You didn't deserve that.."

"Serenity just stop—."

"...And I hope that one day you can forgive me for what I've done; and if you would like, you can keep seeing Landon. I know you love him and see him as your son."

Jaren looked at me with the most blank stare known to man, but it was something in his eyes that told me that he didn't hate me, he damn sure didn't trust me, but he didn't hate me.

"I wanna be mad at you..." he said, his voice cracking as if he were holding tears back.

"I really, really want to be mad at you, but I can't...because I knew that some part of you was still all about him, but I stayed with you, because I thought I could change your mind. So I guess that's on me, right?"

I didn't answer him. I felt like if I had answered him, that it would only make things worse and make him feel bad; and I had already made him feel bad enough about himself.

I also didn't know what the hell to say to that...was there even a right answer to that question?

"I...I don't know what to say," I mumbled, fiddling with my fingers like a little kid who had just gotten scolded. "I just...I'm sorry that I made you feel like you had to fight for your love.."

Jaren smiled slightly and shook his head. "Stop apologizing. I knew what I was getting into. I'm just...I wish shit was different, Rini. I really do."

I didn't say anything to that either, because I didn't wish anything was different. Leaving Jaren was my first step into bettering myself.

I had to let go; and that's what I was doing. As bad as I felt, I didn't need to keep this conversation going; it had to end...just like Jaren and I.