haze / afi

part 22. anxiety attack

waking up with the feeling of dread isn't the way violet likes to wake up. especially when this hasn't happened for a few months now.

she used to have phases of waking up in the middle of the night to a panic attack, no reason for it. feeling like she can't breathe and that she has no way out of the situation.

today was kind of like that. tossing and turning through the night, waking up sweaty, feeling queasy, slightly shaken up for a reason that she doesn't know.

by 11 am, she finally manages to get out of bed. noticing the tightness in her chest even more now she's standing.

heading into the bathroom, she hopes freshening up, brushing her teeth and having a nice warm shower will make her feel better. however, anxiety isn't always something you can shake off just like that.

as violet steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body and hair, staring in the mirror. it hadn't helped. that feeling that something terrible would happen hanging over her.

maybe continuing on with her day would help.

going back to her bedroom, she digs through her wardrobe deciding on wearing a pair of cream and brown plaid pants and a beige cropped shirt, putting on her usual green hoodie over the top.

she would've dried her hair, but feeling heavily anxious makes her have no effort to. instead, pulling her hair back with a claw clip to keep it out of the way.

she lays down on her bed, jumping slightly when she hears her phone ringing.

now 2 pm, she assumes it's her aunt calling about her not coming to the store. violet said she'd be there today, and having not shown up all day, her aunt is most likely worried.

she answers the call slowly, taking a breath, "violet, honey?" she hears her aunts voice. "are you okay? i expected you at the store hours ago so i just wanted to make sure everything's alright."

"sorry i didn't text, or call," violet apologises. "i'm not feeling great today."

"are you sick? do you need me to bring up anything?"

"not sick," violet sighs. "anxiety day."

"oh, sweetie, im sorry," lisa's voice becoming softer now she knows what's going on. "is there anything i can do? bring you food, coffee— coffee probably isn't a good idea, do you need some company?"

"no, i think i'll be okay on my own." she replies, not sounding completely convincing. "i might try and get some fresh air soon anyway, maybe that'll help."

"please be careful if you do, call me back if you need to talk at all."

"i will, love you, aunt lisa."

"love you too, honey."

violet hangs up the call, eyes falling to her desk. where she has a pen and some paper. causing her to think about the day luke took her out for lunch, when he suggested writing in a diary.

she sits up, shuffling through the drawer next to her bed, finding her brown covered diary. opening it, the last time she wrote in the diary was almost a year ago.

she isn't really a diary person.

however, she'll try it this once to see if it'll help. she picks it up with the pen from her desk, heading to the front of her apartment where she puts her shoes on and grabs her keys.

fresh air might do her some good. walking towards the beach, to ashton's secret spot, that isn't so secret anymore as she knows where it is. it'll stay between the both of them.