Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 9

"I am going home now... I am coming by your place... We need to talk about this Neve... I know you are probably angry at me, and you have every right to be... But we need to talk about this... See you in a few hours..." 

Is the last message on my voicemail and i sigh looking around my hotel room... I had just woken up after i slept for about 10 hours and still i felt exhausted... I have 61 missed calls all from Seb asking me to let him know i am okay... I sigh and the idea of talking to him right now makes me sick... But i want to go home so i get out of bed and take a shower and change... I pack my stuff and walk down to reception and check out. 

I get to my car throw my suitcase in the back and get ready to make my way home... My phone rings again and i sigh seeing Seb's name appear on the screen... I hesitate for a second but answer... "I am fine Seb... I am going to drive home now so you can stop calling..." I say and i can hear him let out a sigh of relief... "You are not home yet?" He asks surprised and i roll my eyes... "No... I haven't slept last night so i booked a hotel room to get some sleep before driving home... Didn't want to get on the road exhausted..." I said softly... 

"Where are you? I will come pick you up..." Seb said and i held my breath because the idea of being in the car with him for 4 hours forced to talk was not something i looked forward to... I hear Chris and Scott in the background and my stomach turns and i feel ... They are asking what is going on and were i am... Chris begs him to let me talk to him but i am thankful Seb ignores him... "Neve?"  He says and i snap out of my daze... "No... I rented a car before going to the hotel so i will drive myself home... And dont bother coming over i dont want to talk to any of you right now..." I said and the line went silent for a second... 

"Look i get it you are hurt and..." Seb started and i scoffed cutting him off... "I am not hurt! I am angry! And I am ashamed for falling for your guy's ruse... I feel disgusted for being served on a silver platter like some toy to play with by you and falling for it... You lied to me from the moment you brought up the party and i was stupid to fall for it... I should have listened to myself and stayed home because i knew something wasn't adding up... But i stupidly thought that you would have my back and just really wanted me there..." I growl to the phone unloading on Seb

"Oh Neve we are going to have fun..." I say mimicking his voice him and i can hear him cringe trough the phone...

"Well did you...? Did you have your fun letting me make a fool of myself...! I never expected this from you... I feel so stupid for just thinking for a split second he was serious... But do you know who i am mad at the most..." I said and he stayed quiets as i gave him a second to answer... "Me! I will drive myself home and for now i want you to leave me alone... I need time to cool down..." I say and hang up...

I put my phone on silent and connect it to the radio so i can blast music to get my mind of things while i drive home... I take another deep breath and start the car and start my way home... I sing along to the music and curse out a few drivers who probably dont deserve it but i dont care... I stop at a diner to get something to eat and after dropping the car off at the rental place in New York i take a cab home... I arrive home just before midnight and i walk into my apartment letting out a sigh happy to be home... 

But my happiness was short lived... The drive home has been nice and distracting i had no time to really think as i had to pay attention to the road...But now i was home... Alone and nothing to do but think... I was alone with my own thoughts and i was pathetic because everything started to sink in... 

I groan and walk into my bedroom and drop myself on the bed... "Stop it!" I scold myself... "You had a short lap of judgement...It happens..." I mumble to myself and i sigh... I close my eyes and sigh as everything plays in my mind again... 

Why did it feel so right having him hold my hand... Having his hand on my waist as he pulls me closer... The feeling of his body pressed against mine... And how he took over all my senses and everyone around us seemed to disappear... The way he whispered in my ear... 

My minds start to drift thinking what would have happened if we weren't interrupted by Scott...  Wondering if i would still bet there now... Would i have given in? Would i had woken up next to him...?

I wonder how it would feel to have his hand all over me... Wondering how it would feel to lay beneath him... naked as he was fucking me... Would it be good...? God, it bet it would be good... I just know from the way it felt when he touched me... The sparks i felt when he held my hand told me it would be amazing... The exhilarating feeling when he hands slides around my waist pulling me forward and our bodies collided... Is that why i am so angry...? Was it just frustration... For a moment i let my mind wonder... Fantasizing about it and i felt my core heat up... I felt my body react to my fantasy and i bit my lip as my hands glide over my body imagining it was him... That was until i heard the front door slam and i sat up...

"Neve!!!" I heard being yelled and i groaned... "Of course, Seb wouldn't listen..." I mumble... "He never does..."