Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 50

I wake up by whispering in my doorway... "She is asleep Chris... I am not going to wake her up it is 3 in the morning..." I hear Scott hiss through the phone... I dont move and just pretend i am still asleep... "I can believe you are so stupid..." He hisses again... And this confirms it to me... Chris cheated... I move and sit up in the bed... "Hand me the phone..." I say and Scott looks at me shocked... "You are awake..." He says as if he is caught... "Hand... me... the... phone..." I say and he hesitates a second... "Neve wants to talk to you..." He says looking at me worried and hands me the phone...

"Neve love..." Chris immediately starts... "Stop... Stop right there... Stop talking... I have one question and you are going to tell me the truth... If you dont and i find out, you lied... It will only be worse..." I say in a calm cold tone... Chris is silent and i can hear him take a deep breath... "Did... you... cheat... on... me..." I ask him and the line goes silent... "Not saying anything is an answer to you know..." I say and he takes a deep breath... "It was just a kiss... As soon as i knew what was happening i pushed her away..." He whispers and i scoff... 

"Right... Let me guess you never saw it coming she forced herself onto you... You didn't want it..." I say still in a calm cold tone... "Love i..." He starts to say again... "Dont you dare call me love..." I growl interrupting him... 

"You lost that right the moment you decided to cheat on me... Fuck i knew something was up... Not calling and texting so much anymore and when i did you weren't even fully paying attention... Only fucking 3 weeks in and you cheat on me... Parading around with her while you tucked me away like i was some dirty secret..." I growl... "Neve she didn't mean anything..." He whispers and it makes me feel sick... I scoff... "Is that supposed to make me feel better? You basically admitting you have thrown away what we had over nothing?" I yell into the phone... 

"Neve please... We can get passed this... I am so sorry..." He begs me and i scoff again... "No... No i can't... We are done..." I say and hang up the phone... I throw the phone back to Scott... He wants to say something... "Scott i really would like to be alone right now..." I whisper and he sighs and nods his phone starts ringing again... "I dont want to talk to him... I dont want to talk about him... I want to be alone... I know he is your brother, and you love him... But him and i are done..." I whisper and he nods and walks out closing the door behind him and i can hear him answer his phone... But i dont care... I am broken... The pain i am feeling is indescribable... It feels like someone is sitting on my chest and has ripped my heart out... It hurts... It really fucking hurts and i feel like i can't breathe...  

I start to cry again all the emotions i had kept in come out... I cry and cry until i am all out of tears... Then comes the self-loathing... Questioning myself why i was not good enough... Feeling incredibly stupid for giving into him in the first place... I get out of my bed as it is getting harder to breathe again and i start to pace up and down... 

The room feels too small, and it is full of Chris... All i can see is Chris sleeping in my bed... I think a second contemplating to go sleep on the couch but that would not help... Everywhere i would go i could see him promising he would never hurt me, telling me he loves me... I listen at the door and hear that Scott is still on the phone... I dont want to run into him again...  But i dont want to sleep here anymore... I dont want to spend a second in here anymore... It is tainted so i walk across the hall towards Seb's room...  

"Neve...?" Scott says still on the phone but i shake my head and walk in Seb's room closing the door behind me... "She is in Seb's room now... No... She doesn't want to talk to you..." I hear Scott say as i walk to the bed and crawl under the sheets and put the pillow on my head as i dont want to hear Scott anymore... But even being in Seb's bed is not helping... It still hurts... 

I dont know how long i am laying there but i can't sleep... I get out of bed and stand in the hallway as the apartment is quiet... I check the time on my phone, and it is 7 in the morning... I have 57 missed calls from Chris... Even more texts... I have missed calls from Seb and a few texts telling me to pick up the phone... To my surprise even Lisa had called... I just ignore it all.... I delete all the notifications not caring anymore and walk to my office... 

I sit down behind my desk and when i turn on my laptop i cringe as the photos of Chris and the girl show up and when i scroll even further down there is one of them kissing... He didn't even have the decency to do it in private... No, he had to do it for the whole world to see... Meanwhile i was constantly tucked away... 

I sigh... My home no longer feels like my safe haven... It is no longer my happy place... I close the tab on my laptop and i decide i need to get out of here... Get away from it all so i can organize my thoughts on what to do next... I look online thinking on were i want to go... I find this cute little house tucked away in the mountains and to my surprise it is available... I book it for the next 2 months and now i can see why it is still available... It costs me a fortune but i dont care it will be worth it to be out of here... It is remote but still within a nice distance of civilization.... I book a car deciding to make a road trip out of it seeing as it will be 2 days before i can check in... That gives me plenty of time to get there... 

I walk to my bedroom and grab a suitcase and start packing... I grab everything i need and put it by the front door... I walk to the kitchen and leave a note for Scott... Telling him i left and i dont know for how long... To not contact me... 

I grab my coat and all my stuff and walk downstairs to my car... I sigh and load my stuff before getting in myself and for the first time i can breathe a little... 

While i drive off i wonder if i ever will be able to go back here... Maybe i should just move... Start over... Sell my place and either buy another apartment in the city or just move out of the city altogether...