Giving in... Or giving up...

Chapter 17

I wake up stretching myself out... My body is sore but i slept amazing... I check the time and it is 2 in the afternoon... The apartment is quiet and i get out of bed... I walk into the kitchen my body screaming at me to get some coffee and i do not bother to put on some clothes... I smell Chris his shirt i am wearing and smile as his sent is still lingering... 

I dont know why i stole his shirt... A keep's sake...? Something to remind me of out night together?  It is ridiculous... It was not like the sent was going to linger forever... I put some coffee on and get my phone putting it on the charger and turning it on... As soon as i turn it on my phone is going crazy... Message after message after message comes in telling me i have a mised call and i wonder what the fuck is going on... 

There is a message from Scott... 

"Hey you were still out like a light this morning when i left... Date must have gone really well 😜😉 Want to hear all about it when i get back... Will be late though... Going out with the cast as a sort of bonding thing... See you later 😘" 

I smile happy that he is getting along with his cast mates but i am worried not knowing what to tell him about were i was last night...  I mean how do you say... "Yeah my date had to go handle an emergency at work so i ended up sleeping with your brother..."  I let out a sigh... Or maybe he already knows... I mean they are brothers... And i am pretty sure Chris knew i was going to be there at the restaurant through Scott... If i was going to go out with Josh again i just needed to make sure to not tell Scott... I guess i just have to watch what i tell him... Either that or confront him... But i dont think i can confront him without him finding out what happened... 

I can't tell anything to Gina as she will kill me... It is not like i ditched Josh to sleep with Chris... Josh had already left but i am pretty sure it was not done to have a date with one man just to end up in bed with the other... Gina was Josh's number one fan telling me he was perfect for me and i had to admit he was nice and i could see what she meant by it... He was charming knew how to hold a conversation... Listened asked questions and was not only talking about himself... He had his life in order was serious about his future and wanted to settle down... But then why didn't i feel anything towards him... Maybe it took time and i should just see and get to know him... That was the grown-up thing to do... right? I should give him a change before just giving up... He was the better choice for me on paper...

Still strangely enough i didn't regret last night... I think... It was amazing and at least it was out of my system now... I had slept for 9 hours straight without waking up for the first time in a long time... 

I sigh and look at the rest of my messages and my heart sinks when there is a number i dont recognize... I open the chat and just one word appears... "Why?"  Nothing else just... Why... and i know immediately who sent it... "How the fuck did he get my number..." I mumble to myself... I look through my call history and i have 6 missed calls from Chris over the last hour and i sigh... 

What surprises me the most about the message is the way i feel about it... An aching feeling spreading through my body... And somewhere deep down it makes me... Happy...?  "Why..."  I mumble a few times and i sigh again leaning on the counter putting my head in my hands groaning... I look at the message again and the urge to respond is overwhelming but i force myself to ignore it... Maybe he will give up if i dont respond but that hope quickly disappears when my phone starts buzzing again... 

"Why?" I mumble again and i think about it for a moment... Part of me can't even answer this question but part of me keeps telling me it won't work... I dont think i can ever be comfortable in a relationship with Chris... I would always wonder what he would be doing... The fear that he would cheat... and knowing his job entails that he had to kiss other women for a living in his movies... Even though it was not real... I dont think i could handle that... I know it is pathetic and says more about me than him but i can't help it... 

I groan and were i didn't regret a thing a minute ago... Reality started to set in and hitting me hard in the face like a ton of bricks..."What did i get myself into..." I mumble and scold myself for being so stupid... I never hook up with a guy for one night and to now do it with Chris of all people... A person who is part of my life through friends is so fucking stupid... 

I pour myself a cup of coffee and i walk to the living room and drop myself on the couch groaning grabbing the blanket wrapping it around me and i can't resist putting Chris his shirt over my nose taking in another deep breath taking in his sent now i still can... My phone buzzes again and i ignore it again... Even if i would answer i dont know what to say... 

I try to quiet my mind but with no luck... Guilt... Regret and fear sinks in and i just want to lock myself away and not see anyone... My emotions are all over the place and i dont know what to think or what i feel anymore... All of a sudden i snap out of my little pity party as my doorbell rings... I sigh and for a moment i contemplate not answering but it could be Scott... Scott was chaotic and sometimes forgot his keys... So, i pulled myself up and walked to the front door making the mistake opening without checking who was there...

I look shocked at the man standing in front of my door... "Chris..." I whisper...