Jezebel |h.s|

Seven

Isabella

Turns out wearing the tiniest lingerie lead to probably my biggest profit at the club. So big that I had to hide money from Christian while I was tipping out since I knew he would take a lot more than he should've if he were to have known.

He definitely wasn't happy with me, but he was too drunk by the end of the night to even stand straight let alone accurately count money or have a conversation. I booked it out of there the first chance I got, not wanting to risk another conversation. Or should I say fight.

I haven't been answering his texts or calls today. I'm not sure if he even remembers our conversation in his office, but I wouldn't put it past him to pretend to have been blacked out so he could avoid responsibility. Especially since he knows that there's a good chance I won't stick up for myself again while he's sober. I'm a pushover when it comes to him which is why I've taken him back so many times in the past.

Even though it's a little scary sticking up to him, Kat has been super supportive of me. Honestly I was excited to tell her that I didn't back down last night. The longer I'm clean from drugs and alcohol, the more confident I feel and the more obvious it is that I'm growing out of this relationship.

Kat doesn't see it as growing out of the relationship, she sees it as me becoming more aware of how shitty Christian is. Still, she decided to treat me to brunch as a positive reinforcement.

We made the trek to the Upper West Side to our favorite breakfast spot. It's been a while since the last time we came here to eat, but when she told me we could go anywhere to have brunch this place was a no brainer. And since I have a little extra cash in my pocket after last night, we figured we could have a little shopping day too.

Sitting at our favorite table in the back corner, we sip our coffees as we wait for our food orders to arrive. I got the waffles with fresh fruit and strawberry butter and Kat got one of the omelets. I think between the both of us, we've tried every plate this restaurant has to offer over the years. 

"So, how bad was Christian last night?"

I shrug, putting my mug down. "Bad, but not the worst I've seen. He was fucked up and spent most of the night in the back. It's always such a good night when he's not breathing down my back though."

"Are you sure you're doing okay? I know it's a big deal for you to have said anything to him and I don't want you to get in your head about it."

"I know, I get it. But I do feel good about what I said. He needed to hear it, sober or not."

"And more importantly, you needed to say it. I can't imagine it was easy."

"It was. I didn't think it would be, but I think I'm just ready to be done. It's been so long with this back and forth and the opportunity to really end things for good presented itself. You know, I've been thinking a lot about the last few years and I just know that I need to do better for myself. I'm finally secure enough in my sobriety to take these next steps."

The journey to this point was long and at some points I contemplated if it was even worth surviving, but now that I'm on the other side with a clear mind, I'm starting to see the bigger picture when it comes to Chris. All of his lies are starting to become more obvious and my trust in him is dwindling quickly.

That's not to say I don't still love him. I do, and I don't think that will go away so fast. He's the only man I've ever been with romantically and sexually. He was there for me during my lowest points in life and truly was my best friend at one point. It's hard to look back on our relationship and say the entire thing was bad, because it wasn't. Granted, a lot of those happy memories are clouded by substance.