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I pushed my body to its limit. Images of illumi angrily fucking me all night came rushing from my memory. His emotion was clear by the way he moved his body against mine. Reclaiming me, as if to say through the long night of mind blowing sex that I was his and no one else's. And indeed I was.

My body ached. The weight of my body slammed against my sore muscles stopping me from attempting to stand. I laid back down next to Illumis naked body. I watched him peacefully breathing. His large pale chest rising and falling. The stray black silky hair spread throughout the pillow and the side of neck.

Could I really have this? A life married to my childhood best friend? Could we be happy? Truly happy. Not the petty games we've been playing recently. But true commitment. Could he be happy and content with me as his wife? Coming home to me, being greeted with a kiss and warm food. A few children running around trying to kill each other. I could see it. I could be happy. I've loved him for so long. But in this moment. I think I love him more. And for once in my life. I'm truly terrified.

"How long do you plan on staring at me" he asked softly. Eyes still closed. How long has he been awake? He opened his eyes and stared back into me. "Is this where you try to kill me after I let my guard down?"

I chuckled at his seriousness before laying my head onto his bare chest. His arm wrapping around me completely swallowing me into his large body. I felt so small compared to him. "If I wanted you dead I wouldn't have waited for you to wake up." Lifting my head to look back at him once more. "Are you sure this is what you want? Take away the expectations and arrangements our parents set for us. Could you really choose me and be happy?" My heart pounding so viciously like a fool that's never had any training. I know illumi can feel it. I hope he knows that showing my fear and excitement is me being vulnerable enough to allow him the same. He thought for a moment.

"Would I have chosen you without their arrangement? No. I don't think I would've married anyone." My heart sunk. I could feel the blood leaving my face. "Without the expectation of marrying anyone I wouldn't have even given it a thought. But, because of the arrangement, you've always been around. If I were to marry anyone.. it would have to be you."

Fixing my heart back to a steady pace I pretend to be ok. "You make it seem like you wouldn't have a choice either in that situation. Am I really that much of a burden to you?" I said calmly. Slowly trying to rise from his body but his arm stiffened. Holding me in place.

"Without you around I would be working. So you are a burden. A burden to my work." Why can't you just be straightforward illumi! "Does my answer not satisfy you?"

"No it doesn't." I admitted "but you are who you are."

"My mother gave me the option you know." He said "when I was 12. Find a wife of my choosing or keep you."

My eyes widened. That sneaky bitch! She tried getting rid of me? He must've sensed my anger and confusion. He grabs my chin with his fingers and forces me to look at him again. "I chose you. I thought about it of course. And I don't know why but the thought of you not being around... didn't make me feel..good."

"I could have still been your friend. " I answered

He shook his head. " I don't want friends. I have no need for them." His hand moved from my chin and now lightly traced up and down my arm. "I don't know what love feels like. But I need you close to me."

I lightly kissed his chest. I love you too. I thought to myself. "So can you be happy with me ?" I swallowed hard. If he had an answer I was worried about how he'd say it.

"I'm going to kill them one day." He ignored my question. Getting off the bed leaving his naked body fully exposed as he reached for a brush for his king now tangled hair.

"Who" I yawned stretching out my limbs until my elbows popped. I sat up and watched him closely. Eyed him up and down. Now facing me, allowing me to eye my new favorite part of his body. The man was huge.. soft and all. God if I wasn't physically at my limit I'd pounce on him.

"Hisoka and Chrollo." He walked over to me. Noticing that my eyes were only focused on what was between his legs. Until he grabbed my face fiercely forcing my gaze to his. "For touching you. And from this point on y/n.. you touch anyone else and I'll kill you first."

His threat was heavy. I should be worried. Worried because I know he means it. But my blood went warm and my sick twisted brain made my heart flutter. "Illumi Zoldyck." I smiled and bit my lip "are you saying that your in love with me?"

He was quiet. His hand slid down my chin and tightly wrapped around my neck. "I'm saying I'd kill for you... for free." And kissed me.

" And kissed me

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 18, 2023 ⏰

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