The Clone Wars Gets A New Victim

Chapter 17: Haunted By Darkness

Grim was quiet during the ride back to Coruscant. Her actions on Umbara haunting her as if a ghost. Following her as if a shadow. The darkness still remaining at the edges of her heart. She had done such a dark act, she had known that there was darkness inside her, but to go that far? She had never imagined it.

On the ride back home. Grim avoided the others on the ship. Much to their concern. Blanket had to find Grim and take her to the medbay himself so he could treat the injuries she had sustained on Umbara. As the Padawan had avoided getting the care she needed on the planet itself, with all her focus having been on stopping Krell.

Which she had done. But the way she had ended it. She refused to think about it. She couldn't think about it. Yet it still haunted her.

Grim lifted her hand and grabbed Krell's neck with the Force. ... Krell lay on the floor dead.

"You know nothing about me," she had said coldly.

The Padawan shivered. Blanket noticed. "Are you good, sir?" He asked her.

Grim tried to summon her usual self to the surface, forcing back the dark memory. "You're the medic, you tell me Blanket," she replied with an attempt at a joke, but her smile lacked the playfulness it usually carried.

Blanket frowned. "Commander..." he started.

Grim waved him away before he could continue. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"With all due respect, that isn't true mentally or physically," Blanket told her.

Grim shrugged. "You worry about my health too much."

"That is literally my job, sir," Blanket reminded her.

"Right."

Finally arriving at the Temple, Grim wasn't afraid of what the Council would say or do. She wouldn't try to defend or justify her crime. She knew what she did was wrong. She would confess as so. She had allowed those dark thoughts to corrupt her mind, until now-

"And you've seen it too, you're not a true Jedi either." ... "Yes, I can feel your anger, your fear, your hate. You keep playing pretend, little girl, but reality will catch up with you soon enough."

What if she was becoming the very thing she swore to destroy?

The Padawan knew Krell was far from innocent. He had been a traitor. He would've been killed no matter what. She didn't change that. But in the way she had done so, that would haunt her. She had used the Force in such a way, to kill a defenseless man. His actions did not justify hers and she wouldn't bother lying to herself that they did.

No, she would admit to everything that had happened. She had been wrong to do what she had done, and she knew that she had.

She looked to Obi-Wan, "Master, are you mad at me?" Grim asked him. She felt like a young child. Ha! Imagine that, you kill a man and feel like a young child. She was afraid and felt so small. Even in the Temple she had long since considered her home.

Obi-Wan looked at his Padawan. He was quiet for a moment, and in that moment Grim worried that he would never forgive her for the crime she had committed. "No," he said at last. Grim felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. Although when she carried the weight of the entire galaxy, one world did so little. Obi-Wan spoke again and Grim felt as if that world crashed right back down on her shoulders. "I am very disappointed with you. What you did-"

Grim bowed her head and clenched her hands into fists. "I know what I did!" She snapped. The Padawan looked up at him with tears filling her eyes, threatening to spill from them. "I know exactly what I did! I know what I did wrong! I know-" She choked up, unable to finish. "I know," she repeated quietly, her voice shaking.

Grim's outburst turned some heads of the younger padawans who were curious about what was happening. Their Masters led them away, gently reminding them how it was rude to listen in on another's conversation.

Obi-Wan looked at Grim, and any anger or disappointment he had worn on his face evaporated. He put a hand on her shoulder, looking at her with a gentle expression and speaking with such warmth that it soothed the Padawan and calmed her. "Grim, I know you're aware of what you did, but we both know this won't go away without consequences. What you did-"

"I know what I did, Kenobi. I already said that I have," replied Grim. Although still angry, Obi-Wan had seemed to calm her.

"Then do you realize you did what he wanted?" Obi-Wan asked her quietly.

Grim stopped at this. Staring at Obi-Wan with surprise as the realization crashed down on her.

"Yes, I can feel your anger, your fear, your hate. You keep playing pretend, little girl, but reality will catch up with you soon enough."

Krell had been baiting her! He was purposely playing on the fact that she never wanted to fall to become the very thing she hated. "I...Oh Force."

"He was goading you into using your anger, but I don't think he expected you to do what you did."

"But why? Why would he want me to do that?"

Obi-Wan thought about it for a moment. "To try and control you, because he couldn't. He lost and he wanted one more victory."

"And I gave it to him. In my anger I gave it to him." Grim looked away as this news crashed into her like waves in a storm. "Master," she said quietly. Again she sounded like a young terrified child. "What if I..." she didn't finish the question.

What if I become what I'm trying to stop?

Obi-Wan knew what she was going to ask. "You won't," he assured her.

"People that you don't ever think could, can become awful people, Master. You don't know, and I don't either," she told him quietly.

Obi-Wan could see the deeper meaning to her words. "You're not talking about yourself," he noticed.

"Who else could I be?" Grim asked. "I'm the only story I don't know."