Bad Romance

Chapter 90

Chapter 90: My Brain Is Scattered!

Mag studied Bellatrix with a thoughtful frown. Something in her large green eyes flickered, and she seemed to make a decision. "When Gellert shouted at you, how did it make you feel?"

Gellert frowned. "It wasn't," he began defensively, then interrupted himself. "It was her fault for breaking ranks! People could've died!"

Mag gestured him to be silent, then gave him an apologetic smile. "It isn't about who is wrong or right. It is about how Bellatrix felt about it. Feelings form thoughts which form beliefs, then choices and then issues, as you should know by now," she said, tone calm and gentle.

"I wouldn't have broken ranks or endangered anyone, had I not believed she had Roddy," Bellatrix said, eyes resentfully on Gellert. She heard the frustration in her own voice and didn't care. "Obviously this was incorrect, but I didn't see Rod where he was standing behind me. I saw him with her, and her wand was at his throat. Had she had your bloody man, you'd have done the same. And I do believe it was your bloody man who told you how difficult it is to see through those mental illusions of hers, and how they can work on a person's mind."

Gellert scowled. "I don't care. I care about what you should know, no matter what you saw. That... Matters," he enunciated drily.

Sighing, resentful glare still in place, Bellatrix slumped into her chair.

"Let's repeat what I just said, shall we," Mag said patiently, green gaze now on Bellatrix rather than Gellert. "You, like Gellert, are stating facts as you see them, and I asked how you felt, not what happened."

Bellatrix stewed for a moment in silence before pondering the uncomfortable question. As it happened, it was rather uncomfortable indeed.

"I felt upset. Hysterical crying, hurt feelings upset, and that isn't at all like me," she admitted. Suddenly embarrassed, she snatched up her glass of wine and had a swallow. Everyone remained silent, allowing her to continue, so she replaced the glass on the table before her and dug a little bloody deeper. "I knew he was right, but I didn't feel it was exactly my fault. I didn't enjoy him shouting at me over something that wasn't my fault when I'd just been terrified for Roddy's bloody life!"

Mag nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, and what else did that, perhaps, remind you of if you think about it? It doesn't have to make sense," she assured quickly. "Often feelings make connections that logic may not."

Bellatrix sighed. "Voldemort. It reminded me of Voldemort, and how unreasonable he was to us. How unfair it felt, and how when in his company I suppose I also feared for Rod's life. Considering what he did to us, and the fact Gellert said we always remembered it very deep down in our subconscious, I had good reason."

Mag nodded. "Very good! The fact you were fighting his daughter, who also probably has a bit of him inside her, didn't help that trigger, I'm sure."

"I understand that isn't fair to Gellert," Bellatrix freely admitted. "He's loyal to his followers, and I truly believe that my life is never in danger when it comes to him, no matter what. That isn't how I meant it." She flashed a quick look to Gellert who nodded, giving her a slight smile.

"Of course not," Mag said. "Remember feelings and facts don't speak the same language. They don't always share information either. They are literally coming from two completely different parts of the brain."

"No shit," Rabastan asked, and Mag smiled.

"No shit at all." Returning her gaze to Bellatrix, she continued.

"Your feelings aren't saying that Gellert would hurt you. They were saying they were hurt that someone you care for and look up to made you feel, even for a second, in any way like Voldemort did, no matter the reason. This doesn't mean that you, or Gellert, were particularly wrong. Sometimes things happen, and two humans respond in reasonable ways that can be problematic to one another if they did not share the same past experiences that formed their actions."