7: 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐫 ☁︎

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"𝑳𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓, 𝒊 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕"

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"H-he's dead Miss Park. Jungkook is dead"

I stared at her in shock, her feeble words slowly tip-toeing towards my brain. Those mere syllables echo with each stretching second.

"W-what? H-how? The sur-surgery, went well right?" I said on the verge of breaking down.

"Miss there was way too much blood loss, I'm sorry, his vitals were fine I presume mostly because of the medicines, but his condition was already fatal"

No this can't be, I felt his heartbeat, I felt the warmth of his hand, and now he's just dead? just a corpse with no heart pumping?- no- no, Jungkook promised me he'd stay, he can't leave like this, not when he gave me way too much hope.

My breathing became unsteady, and every cell in my body died down. I felt lifeless as her words kept on chanting midst my hollow mind. Jungkook's delicate face flashed through my mind. And as if someone pierced an arrow right through my soul, I fell, I fell to the ground knowing I wouldn't be saved, knowing jungkooks hand wouldn't reach out to me. I started panicking, my chest heaved up and down in a haste manner. I could feel taehyungs hand on mine, saying things. But I couldn't poise on anything. My body and soul felt like a vast space enveloped in complete darkness and vague matter. And at that moment I knew. Jungkook was gone, away from me, away from Earth. My happiness was taken away from me. Ripped out of my life like a callous bastard.

I started crying hysterically, not able to stop. Clutching onto my chest, running my palms up and down because I felt fire and pain compressing it. I felt pain because I was mentally fucked up at the moment.

I felt a pair of hands scoop me up in bridal style, and I almost wished it was Jungkook's hand, telling me what the doctor just said was all a stupid prank. Fluttering my eyes open slightly, squinting hard, trying to make out his face. But I could not see him, I could not see the eyes that were adored by the universe. I could not see his face hinted in mirth.

I bawled out, loud, filled with agony, spitting out words that even my mind couldn't make out.

"T-ta-taehyung, w-where is h-he? I want to see him!!" I screamed.

"It's ok baby, we'll see him, please calm down love" I could hear his words but not the pain in them.

"No! No! I-I- he n-needs me" I shook my head vigorously.

Still shaking in his arms, crying out in pain, still wishing all of this was a dream.

I was made to sit down on a bench, no one was near us.

"Hold my hand, Minnie" Tae said as he waited for me to interlock our hands. With shaky hands, and struggling to take in air, I grasped his hands holding them tightly.

"Take in deep breaths. 123. Out. 123. In. 123. Out. 123. In" I did what he asked me to do, I did what jungkook once taught me. Right now I felt like blasting his song through my ears, but I knew better, it would only break me more.

After a couple of breathing techniques, my lungs were back to being filled with air. My heart still seemed shattered. I zoned out, starting at the vague space, thinking about nothing, my mind was enveloped in complete numbness. I was not even processing anything, no words whizzed past my mind, no images, just blank. Like a piece of paper that is waiting to be filled with words of either despair or glee, waiting to be filled in with something. But what could the author do? Without having anything in mind, morphing actions into words, or fantasies into descriptions. A mind so blank, not having the courage to start a sentence that was hard to end. Dithering with each passing second. My mind. No- I was waiting for words to be filled in my body, to dwell everything in me. But none came. Just a blank piece of paper.

I rocked back and forth, still feeling Taehyung's palms against mine.

Time always has answers as I started feeling words being written through me. I know it. I want it. I want to see his face. I want to be next to him, at least for the last moments of my time with him, even though Jungkook was not the one laying on the bed, it was his carcass with no soul. His soul. The jungkook I knew was not in there, but still, I wanted to be next to him.

Slowly getting up, I nodded at Taehyung, he understood what I meant and we went back. I almost wanted to laugh because I had gone out to take all the things I need it so I can be with him. And now- now he was gone.

Standing behind the door that separated me from my universe, I went in slow steps.

I almost wanted to break down to my knees and scream at him for leaving me. My lips quivered, as I saw his face, but I was not crying nor was I smiling. I quietly went beside him and laid my body next to him, holding him tightly, afraid he'll go. I placed my ears next to his chest. And- I felt nothing. The rhythm that kept me sane, the beating that promised me would only cease along with mine, the organ that pumped because of me. Was now dead, lifeless. I was next to him, but it felt like he was millions of distances away. But somehow just somehow, I felt warm, I felt that he was still here with me. His warmth radiated towards me. And just me.

He looked so peaceful as he slept through his slumber. Like a winter bear, covered by snowflakes. Deeply falling in love as it found comfort in winter, unlike other animals. Why has life done this to you or me? Did life pity you so much that it has put you in a peaceful sleep? Are you lost in the winter, amazed you're not freezing. Lost in time and away from worries. Is the cold numbing away all the pain? Please answer me, love, I want your voice to dance across my soul and ears.

A drop of pained tear dripped down my eyes. My ears were still against his chest which had no life. Was he truly gone? It felt surreal, but not in a good way, the painful way.

I heard the footsteps of someone walking in.

"Minnie?"

"Y-yea" I croaked out.

"I should let someone know..." he mumbled almost painfully.

"Y-yea. His p-parents. And f-friends" I don't even know how I said those words without breaking down.

He came towards me and placed a peck on my temple. And left.

I don't know why, but I keep asking myself if this is even real and what if all of this is a dream. If this was a dream then I'd love to wake up soon.

My mind drifted across the dream I had a few days ago. How irony. Maybe I should start to be alarmed about my damn dreams. I tried to ignore the signs that something terrible will happen. And now... Exactly that happened. I may not be predicting each scene of the future, but I sure am given warning signs.

His heart was lifeless, away from pain, but mine was still living, taking in all the pain. It is so unfair when people slip away from our grasp. So abruptly, so painfully. They would not have felt the pain that we have to endure. And that's just so unfair. His leaving me will leave a scar on my soul. And fuck I don't even know if anyone will step into my life as he had. Hell, I don't even know if I'd feel the entire universe when I kiss anyone now, not like he had shown me.

I screamed into his chest, my voice silenced. I hugged him even tighter.

"J-Jungkook, w-why did y-you leave me you?. How am I supposed to live knowing I'd never see your e-eyes again?"

How am i even supposed to move on if I can't feel your warmth

How am I supposed to love someone knowing it's not you.

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