Reincarnated Souls || JJK

34: 𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 ☁︎

"𝑰𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆. 𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐, 𝒊 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐, 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆? 𝒊𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆, 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒊𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 , 𝒊𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈"

✰✰✰

-Minji-

I removed the satin white coat.

Exhausted was the word I'd rather prefer right now. That I'd rather elude right now. I rubbed my dry fingers against my temples, easing off the heavy headache hammering against my head, dropping rocks and pulling veins.

Life is- of course- stitched into one enormous profoundness by all the emotions and feelings in the world, woven by blistered and bleeding hands, by the silenced tears and concealed mirth, through scorching rage, lust and love and pecks and killing. The overwhelming magnificence later formed into a mortal human being. I was made by the cells of my parents, by blood and flesh. I am blemished and raw. Hidden scars and pain, tainted like sorrow honey dripping thickly down me and weighing me down. I was everything all at once, so yes, I could be a woman eluded of woe yet I could still feel the hollowness rush in through the gaps, expanding like a beating heart. It was not always that the fiends followed my muddy footprints, but at times they did and when they did. It was hell. It was burning furnaces and smoked fuel. Oil and water deliberately swimming, the separation burning my insides. Idleness and fatigue stabbed me. Procrastination is like a smirking devil waiting to eat me away. But I tried to force myself, like forcing oil and water to combine, to attract like poles, to cheat gravity. I tried to focus. But I was in hell.

I was overwhelmed by these feelings and I hated feeling like this. Loathed this feeling more than the creeping anxiety or stress. This feeling was the worst since you're not even aware of what you're saddened over. I didn't know the reason why my tears made their way down, I didn't know why my heart felt heavy, I didn't know why this emptiness filled me. It was everything and nothing.

Being a general surgeon was a damn huge journey, filled with all the shades of hardship. And it exhausted me. The studies, insomnia, stress. Everything. I often thought about my future and wondered why I was pondering over a nonexistent future. Regret filled me at times, but I knew it was just nothing. I hope.

I shut my eyes. Suddenly my head hit the window, it seemed the bus went over something rigid. Can this day not get more frustrating than it already is? I checked the time, and yawned, I'll reach Busan in about 1 hour. The coat on my lap was messily folded up, I didn't care.

I just hoped that by the time I reached there, this headache would just go away. I was going to stay with Jun- Mr and Mrs Jeon's house. I- I just tried to evade saying his name. It was like acid dipped in honey on my tongue. It felt painful. I wondered if this was a bad idea, but shrugged it off. I was going to his house, going to the place where he promised me we'd go together but now I ended up going alone. I'm going to the place where's he's buried. I'm going to him. That thought didn't even occur to me until now.

By the time I stepped off the bus, my muscles were numb. And my headache had minimized. I stretched my body and called for a cab, 20 minutes more until I'm there. I can't wait to see them, most Importantly sleep on the bed. Yes, I have insomnia, but it's minor, but lately- or whenever I come to this phase. Sleep never even visits me. What a beautiful place this is.