All The Love Songs About You - Englot

Chapter 6: Caoimhe

Caoimhe's POV:

"So...What was that?" Paige asked, sitting beside me at the back of the uber we're currently in.

"What was what?" I feigned ignorance. I didn't want to talk about it, it was a stupid and impulsive move.

"You know what I mean, you're suddenly asking other girls out? I mean I get it, she's gorgeous but what about Erynn?" Paige fully turned towards me, looking me dead in the face.

I sighed, "And what about Erynn? You know we're just friends Paige." I shifted in my seat, avoiding eye contact. "That's all we'll ever be." I mumbled under my breath, looking out the window.

"Oh Caoimhe, come here" Paige guided my head to lean in her shoulder and I did. I needed someone to comfort me. "I wish you would just tell her."

"Tell her what? Tell her I love her to the point that it hurts?" I asked "That whenever I see her talking to other girls, my stomach aches? And when my eyes meet hers, it feels like my heart's about to rip out of my chest? How do I tell her that?" I leaned back, glancing at Paige and quickly looking up at the car's ceiling.

Paige stroked my hair and simply gave me a sad look. She knows, she's always known about my feelings for her sister.

"It's not healthy, I know. That's why I promised myself I wouldn't love her anymore." I sighed, for what feels like the hundredth time.

"But it's not easy as it seems. Because everytime she looks at me with those brilliant eyes of hers, I melt all over again. And everytime I see her smile, I wish that I was causing it."

I blow out a breath, looking at Paige, I tried to give her a smile. "So I'm trying okay? I'm trying, but she's making it really hard."

"I don't know how to help kweevs..." Paige sighed, tousling her hair in silent frustration.

"I'l be okay, I just need to write my feelings out and turn them into hits." I tried to laugh it off. "we still need a couple more songs for the album yeah?" I gave her a tight lipped smile.

"Oh Caoimhe, don't you ever change." Paige grabbed me into a tight hugged and whispered. "I'll always be here kid. Remember that." I squeezed my eyes shut and hugged her tighter.

Some say it's painful to wait for someone. Some say it's painful to forget someone. But I realized the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.

I've known Erynn since we were in high school. The moment I met her, with her boyish haircut and baggy shorts, I knew she was my person. We spent every waking moment together, we just get each other and when her dad died, I was the one who was there.

We were never "together" but we were never just friends either. At least that's what she makes me feel until she gets a new lover and I'm left alone. 

And that's why it's so much easier to act like none of this matters and to pretend to wear a smile than to confess my heart has always been hers when she doesn't even want it.

"We're here Caoimhe." I got startled by Paige's voice breaking the silence. I noticed we were right outside the bowling alley where the rest of the band decided to hang out. Stepping out of the car, I looked at her confused.

"You need to have fun, forget about Erynn for a moment and just hangout with your friends." Paige replied linking our arms together.

"How can I forget her when you're forcing me to hangout with her? Asking out Saffron earlier was me trying to forget her, not this!" I whisper-shouted at Paige who's dragging me towards the front door.

"Erynn's not here Kweevs."

"Oh" I stopped struggling and let myself be pulled along. I'm not gonna ask where she is, I don't care. I don't care. I repeated like a mantra.