All The Love Songs About You - Englot

Chapter 24: 8 months

Erynn's POV:
It had been 8 months since Saffron and I broke up, and I still couldn't get her out of my mind. The thought of her continues to linger in my mind like a stubborn shadow that refuses to disappear.

I remember the last time I saw her like it was just yesterday. We locked eyes at the airport before Saffron boarded her flight, leaving London behind. Leaving me behind. I had just arrived back from Vienna, intending to take a break from touring. I was planning to go and beg Saffron to take me back during the break. And the timing couldn't have been worse.

As I stood there staring at her, my heart sank, knowing that it could be the last time I ever saw her. I wanted to grab her hand and tell her not to go, to beg her to stay and give our love another chance. But I knew deep down that it was pointless. Saffron had made up her mind, and no amount of convincing could change it. I hurt her enough and so I walked, looking back to see her disappearing fom view.

In the past months, I had moved in my own flat, not needing to share with the others anymore, our music career is still going strong, making us as busy as ever. But the thoughts of Saffron were still engraved in my heart.

I had written countless songs about her, songs that I would never release. I couldn't bear the thought of Saffron hearing them. I knew she had moved to Berlin, Nima told me. And it was like she was in a different world now. And yet, I missed her.

I would often find myself daydreaming about the times we spent together, the laughs we shared, and the plans we made for the future.

I try to move on, to date other people, to distract myself from the gnawing ache in my heart, but nothing seems to work. Saffron was the love of my life, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shake off the feeling that a part of me will always be incomplete without her.

As I continue on with life, I wonder if Saffron ever thinks about me, about us. Does she ever miss me the way I miss her? Or has she moved on completely, leaving me behind in the past?

The only connection left between Saffron and I is Nima. One day, I found myself in a group chat with Thalia, Heidi and Nima. She wanted our help asking Caoimhe to be her girlfriend and after that, we hit it off, and eventually, we became close friends. From time to time, we talked about Saffron, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge in my chest each time she came up.

I knew it wasn't wise to keep holding on to something that was over, but my heart refused to let go. I missed everything about her - the way she laughed, the way she held my hand, the way she looked at me, like I was the only person in the world.

I couldn't bring myself to tell Nima how I felt about Saffron, knowing it would only make things complicated. But every conversation about Saffron felt like a bittersweet reminder of what I had lost. I knew I had to move on, but how could I, when she was still everywhere in my heart?

Regret, it's like a big ball of frustration, self pity and blame all rolled into one. The reality is that "I could have", "I should have", and "If I tried harder" are all worth nothing and I'm left with nothing but the harsh and cruel truth that I let this happen. I'm the one to blame.

—————-x—————
During the band's USA tour.

After a successful show, we all sat in Caoimhe's hotel room, casually sipping on cups of tea and sharing stories, the atmosphere was both relaxed and vibrant. Nima visited Caoimhe so instead of going out and partying, we chose to stay inside and catch up.

Little did I know that the conversation that evening would take an unexpected turn, tugging on the strings of my heart.

As laughter echoed through the room, and we reminisced stories from the Europe tour, my mind couldn't help but wander. What was the latest news on Saffron? At that moment, it's like Heidi read my mind.