Never ending memories - G.Rhee

15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN || CHANGE

tw: ptsd, flashback, suicidal ideation

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The atmosphere in the prison had drastically changed in the days that had past since Glenn and Alex were rescued. Rick's behaviour made him drift from the group as he dealt with the grief that came from his wife's passing. Alex's trauma from the recent events having sent her back years in her recovery... as well as Daryl leaving, the baby. in the space of a week, everything had changed.

Alex had avoided almost everyone in the group since she got back. she couldn't bring herself to look Glenn in the eye after what happened as she desperately tried pushing all her memories away yet every time she closed her eyes they all reappeared tormenting her. Hershel had checked in on her a few times only for her to brush off his concern.

the experience had brought up every memory she had fought so hard to forget. reminding her how terrifying the feeling of drowning is, even in a  place with no water... but something deep within the pain and flashbacks there was Eli, where his kind touch lingered in almost every flashback. and that was something she never wanted to forget. so maybe she didn't want to heal, because the pain was the last link to what she had lost... 

panting, Alex continued her push-ups on the floor of her cell. counting each one, her muscles shaking with each rep. her arms burning. any distraction was a good distraction, the burn igniting through her arms with each rep enough to momentarily ease the pain in her heart. 37, she counted as someone cleared their throat from the doorway.

"What?" she huffed continuing her push-ups. continuing to count exhaling through gritted teeth as her muscles weakened. She refused to look up, not wanting to speak to who was there no matter who it was. She didn't want to lose count... counting had always been a distraction. 

"we're all gonna talk about what to do when the governor storms this place. I need you to help me" his voice was sterner than normal, the pain Alex felt Glenn did too. not the same. but it was there. it connected them. bonded them, in a way neither would ever fully understand. 

Alex sighed as she lost count of the number of push-ups she had done,  getting up in defeat she looked up at the boy in front of her as she reached for her army jacket that laid on the small table in her cell next to Glenn's shirt he'd given her days prior.

"and I'm needed why?" Alex scoffed shrugging her jacket on as she rubbed her bicep the aching muscle giving her brain a slither of relief. her eyes met his. and they were different, the look in his eye had changed... she knew what that meant, the same thing had happened to her.

"with Daryl gone, Rick wondering crazy town, Oscar's dead, Alex you're the best fighter here" he was right, and she knew it. she had the training no one else did. she'd fought in wars before, in Afghanistan and in her own mind. no matter what had happened to her she needed to keep Carl and Judith safe, or at least die trying. Nodding, she followed Glenn into the general area of the cell block. walking over to one of the tables she sat down watching as Glenn spoke to Carl about where he had found Tyreese's group. Alex looked around the group, everyone looking toward Glenn for answers. it should've been Rick. 

"Why are you so sure he's gonna attack?" Beth asked when the conversation shifted back to the governor. Alex ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. her mind wouldn't stop telling her this was it, this was the end.