The Long Lost Black

Rest In Laughter

Returning to Hogwarts wasn't easy. At all.

Facing my friends for the first time after the attack wasn't easy. 

Walking through the corridors with my forearm painted in dark, devilish, ink wasn't easy. 

But all that I knew.

What I didn't know was that I would have to deal with grief too. 

Pandora hugged me tightly when she saw me. She noticed the dark mark. I know she did. But she didn't say anything. It wasn't the right time to. We have gone through a lot to talk about this today of all days. First the attack, then James, after my mark and now this? Life is a bitch.

Evan's funeral was scheduled for today on Hogwarts' grounds. His father didn't want his body in the family cemetery. Cruel bastard. I strongly believe that he is the one that killed him. Barty agrees with me too. 

All the Slytherins and many of the other Houses attended his funeral. It was with an open coffin. Who bloody fucking agreed to this? He was yellow like an old used candle. But that wasn't fair. 
Evan was brighter than any flame a candle could handle
Evan was tall, nothing compared to a used candle.
Evan was young. Far too young to die or be compared to a fucking candle that no one cared about. 'cause Evan...Evan mattered! He mattered to his mother. He mattered to the Slytherins. To Barty. To Dora. He mattered to the teachers. He mattered to Elaisa. HE BLOODY FUCKING MATTERED TO ME!!

This is too much. It's not fair. I can't breathe. I think I am dying. Merlin, I wish I was dying. That way I could be over with all this. This way Evan wouldn't be all alone to whatever happened after death. Heaven? Hell? Nothing? I don't care. He shouldn't be alone. He shouldn't be left alone to face death when he made sure throughout his whole life that no one felt alone. 

God, why him? Why was he the first to go? Why him instead of me when he deserved ten times what I do? When he was twenty times the man, the friend I am? He had his whole life ahead of him and a very promising future. And yet...And yet.

I zoned McGonnagal's speech out at the very start, too focus on cursing everything and everyone not to. 
"...his parents not being around at the time being, I would like to call the Slytherin Outfit to say a few words"

You have to be shitting me. I looked to my left. Pandora was crying her eyes out silently and Bart comforted her. He gave me a nod. Brilliant! I was the one to make the speech. I stood up slowly and looked around. I found what I was searching for. The Marauders. Sirius looked right ahead, dead in the eye. Elaisa wore her pureblood posture too but I could see her bottom lip trembling slightly. Then I met James' eye. He was serious for the first time, I bet, but the twinkle remained in his eyes. That gave me enough strength to give the speech. 

"I am not gonna say that Evan was my first friend or even my best friend. That is a speech for another funeral that I wouldn't like to attend"

I smiled and Dora chuckled. The others might thought that I was cruel but we knew that Evan would have laughed at that.

"But Evan was the most sensible of us. The brain behind everything. You know how groups of four work. Two crazy, one less crazy and the smart one. Or, like he used to say, every group need two Blacks, one Potter and a Lupin" 

They chuckled. 

"I disagree. Everything a group needs is an Evan Rosier. The only problem is that he never wanted to teach anyone how to be him. 'It's not something you learn. Is something you are. I was born perfect' That's what he told me the first time I pointed out"

Dora chuckled again. I saw her mouthing with Barty the rest of that night's conversation. 

"I am not gonna praise him for being smart, or the best person I ever met or anything like that. Anyone here who doesn't value that on him already, shouldn't be among us. But I will praise him for one thing. For giving me hope. Hope that the world could change. Hope that everything would turn out perfectly fucking awesome! He was the first one that gave me hope for a better life. That's why today I am hoping that your death didn't go in vain, my old friend. Today, I am hoping that I am strong enough to make your dreams come true. Today, I hope that I will always hope for my hopes to come true"

"I hope that I will always hope for my hopes to come true" Dora and Barty screamed with me and we laughed. It was inappropriate but we didn't care. It was something Evan would want us to do. I stepped off the stand and embraced my friends. 

"That was beautiful, Reg!"

"He would have loved it"

"Did you just make this up?"

We laughed again half-heartedly. Evan's miss is too obvious.

"Dora, I don't know which angel of death carried his soul away, but I know that wherever he is, he is happy and will always watch up or down on you. I am betting my head he is watching us right now and laughs at us making such a fuss about his death"

(—Hell yeah I am!

—Shut up Evan. This is my story!

—What story? This is my life we are talking about! You have nothing to do with this!

—Technically, we are talking about your death.

—That was just mean. Besides, no reason to take it to heart. Anyway, talking about 'telling', Regulus goes after the horcruxes, Cecelia gets preg-

—Enough! Are you telling this story or am I?

—Technically, none of us. Seeing as we are both dead and you have charmed a pure human being in writing this for you

—Oh, shut up. She was going to write something anyway. All I did was...inspiring her

—Whatever)