out of control-frerard

and i'm serious when i say i'm over it

gerard pov

i see him flush and tense up as i crawl on him.

"what are you doing?" he asks, the panic clear in his voice. it catches me off guard.

"what? what do you mean?" i say, spacing back from him.

"i mean what are you doing, why are you crawling on me like this is a hookup? i'm scared." he confesses, i fully removed myself from him at that. 

"i- im sorry- i just.. the last time i hung out with people from a sports team they-" i start. i see him get visibly upset.

"so you think i'm just one of them huh?! is that it, i'm noting other than the fucking jock dude who flirted with you on the feild am i?" he says, a little bit of venom in his words.

"no! i just.." i start, i shake my head and look down, chuckling sadly. "you're nothing like bert mccracken are you?" i say, hurt clear in my voice, but not at him, at me. i hear him groan.

"fucking bert. of course he tried something with you first."  he mutters, i look at him and i see him pinching his bridge.

"it was freshman year." i said, biting my cheek.

he looks up "oh?" he says, curiously.

"nothing happened if that's what you're thinking." i say, embarrassed. "i'm not a slut." i say, almost trying to convince myself, i mean, i was the one who came onto him first.

"i know." he whispers. "pete wouldn't lie to me, maybe someone else, not me." he chuckles to himself. 

"pete? wentz?" i ask. he nods

"oh, i know him. my brother has a fat crush on him, no matter how hard he tries to act like he doesn't." i grin. 

"oh, he just told me he was into your brother." he's smirking wildly back at me. we both laugh. 

somehow we manage to calm down, and i'm still smiling at him. "so are you a virgin?" i ask for some reason. 

he looks away shyly and nods. "are you?" he asks me.

i wince. "i'd like to pretend i am." i say, remembering lindsey, how stupid i was to trust her with something so valuable and she just throw all that was away. to throw my value away.

i know virginity shouldn't be as important to me as it is, but when someone cheats on you and takes away something you were sworn was this important thing and to not let someone just take from you.

i see him frowning at me. "i'm sorry. do you wanna tell me about it?" he asks, care in his voice.

i smile, feeling special again. he was different.

"yeah, why not." i say, scooting closer to him again.

he wraps an arm around me.

i sigh, trying to collect my thoughts. and all i say at first to try and get something out calmly is just:

"lindsey ballato."

and i saw his face drop.

"oh shit."