THORN LOVE

Not gonna feel anything

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break." ― William Shakespeare.

~

At times when the pain reaches an unbearable level, we desire to detach ourselves from our emotions and become immune to everything happening around us so that we can secure ourselves in a safe bubble to protect us.

Though Porsche thought staying silent about Tawan was his best option, the uncertainty of how long it would work kept him on edge for so long. Even though he was already in pain, the thought of Kinn admitting something to him was what he dreaded the most, as it would make everything real. He wasn't ready for that yet.There is no denying that everything that happened was real. Kinn straight up said he doesn't love him. Kinn made it clear that it's just a transactional relationship between them. In his mind, if Tawan was never mentioned between them, he could continue to live in denial and avoid facing the truth. But Kinn ruined that for him. Nothing hurt Porsche more than Kinn's apologies. Sorry for what. Sorry I got caught or sorry I couldn't make you suffer more.

Porsche regretted loving someone who had no regard for his genuine feelings. He often pondered why Kinn couldn't see the love he had for him, and it weighed heavily on his mind. Kinn makes him feel like he doesn't deserve any love.

The pain was so unbearable that it was impervious to alcohol, and he couldn't find relief even after drinking. He hates himself for feeling so much for someone who doesn't deserve it. He's exhausted from feeling too much and just wants to shut it all off. He didn't want to sit by himself and succumb to his feelings of sadness. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of the one person who had made a solemn vow to always be there for him. Mile told him he will be there in 15 minutes. Porsche continued to drink as he waited for him. Porsche had removed his wedding band earlier as he saw no reason to wear it anymore; he doesn't need anything that reminded him of his miserable life.

"What's the occasion?" Mile asked, placing his hand on Porsche's shoulder as he take a sit next to him. 

"Aww... my friend is here," The delight on his face is reminiscent of that of a child who has been handed a candy. "The occasion is to have fun,"

"Porsche, you just left the hospital....."

"Shhh... don't be a nagging wife," Porsche immediately put his finger to his lips to silence him.

Mile can clearly see that Porsche is getting drunk. He didn't wish to see him indulge in drinking after his hospital discharge. Porsche promised him that he would take some time off to unwind and recharge his mind before getting back to work. The sight of him drowning in alcohol was not something he expected. He was certain that something had happened, but didn't inquire.

They headed to a club as Porsche requested, leaving behind the peaceful ambience of the bar.

***

A boisterous and lively atmosphere welcomed them as they stepped into the club, filled with people who were all dancing and enjoying themselves. Porsche was immediately swept up in the energetic atmosphere. Mile chose a non-alcoholic drink, mindful of his need to drive, while Porsche eagerly experimented with different drinks and shots. He saw Porsche sulking and decided to have two shots with him to cheer him up.

Amidst the sea of people on the dance floor, they laughed and twirled around each other, lost in their own world. They were so consumed by the music that nothing else mattered, and they danced for hours on end. Porsche didn't just have fun, he had an absolute blast. He was lost in the moment and forgot all about Kinn. He drinks, dances, and laughs without a care in the world.

"Meee....Y...yo...youuu arrrre so much funnnn," He slouches on the sofa, glass held close to his chest.

"I think we can take break from drinks,"  Mile said, as he took the glass from Porcshe's hand.