THORN LOVE

Pit of darkness

"Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all."—Emily Dickinson

~

In his empty apartment, Porsche spends hours lost in his thought. He couldn't help but wonder where things went wrong for him, for them. He questioned if he was responsible for his failed marriage. He sat there, replaying the events in his mind, searching for any missed opportunities that could have changed the outcome. Insecurities wash over him like a wave. He couldn't bear the thought of not being enough for the person he had promised to love until death do them part. He cares for him deeply and loves him unconditionally. His love for him was so strong that the idea of a life without him was agonizing. The thought of giving up on him, on their relationship, made it almost impossible to take that first step away. He knew he had to walk away from him, even though it broke his heart. He couldn't deny that their relationship had run its course and was now over.

Perhaps the moment he found out about Tawan, it was all over. Yet, he persisted in holding onto it. Rejecting the blatant truth and striving to survive in a life that was dead. He knew their relationship was over before it started, but the thought of what could have been still weighed heavily on him.The marriage, which had its foundation on deceit, was beyond his ability to mend. It was time to free himself, but he found it difficult to, or perhaps was hesitant due to fear.

He stayed motionless in silence for two more days. Slowly, he drifted into a space where all sensations ceased. Just there, devoid of any emotion or reaction. Slowly but surely, he could feel the creeping sensation of loneliness making its way up his back like a spider, causing him to feel more and more isolated. The weight of his emotions seemed to be dragging him down, and he was struggling to see the positive side of things. The depth of his sadness was apparent in his eyes, which were dull and lifeless, devoid of any spark of joy or hope. The feeling he experiences when he's sober like this is unbearable to him, so he chooses to drink. After his husband threw away all the drinks, he found comfort in smoking his cigarettes, savoring every puff. It's not helpful, but it's a consolation.

He went into his bedroom and opened the nightstand to pull out the cherished photo of him and Kinn. He took Kinn to his favorite cafe on a date to try out the pastries, and that's where the photo was taken. Porsche cherishes the cute selfie they took so much that he frames it and displaying it prominently in both his office and apartment, though it keeps it tucked away in a drawer. He couldn't help but smile wistfully as he looked at their photo, his finger tracing the contours of their faces, tears silently falling from his eyes.

"I should leave, right?" Porsche whisper. He sat there for few hours and then changes his cloth to go out.

***

Vegas and his associates was relaxing at a club by the bar, drinking after completing a business deal. He had only a few drinks and was now ready to go back to his boyfriend. He said his goodbyes to his business associates and headed to the bathroom to revitalize before stepping out.

Two guys walked into the bathroom while he was washing his hands and started talking about a guy who caught his attention.

"Seriously, can you believe it? He is camellia CEO. Bro, I saw him earlier. He was hammered and stoned out of his mind. I saw some guys trying to hit on him, but I don't know what went down. I took some pics when I went upstairs, and I swear my heart almost stopped. If they catch me, I'm dead meat," a guy said as he showed the photo to his friend.

"Totally worth it! Just imagine this on the front page tomorrow. We can make a lot of money," he said with a grin.

"I'm pretty sure he did some drugs. I saw him snort something earlier," the other guy said as laugh.