THORN LOVE

Fighting against the current

 "In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom." ― J.G. Ballard,

~

The room was in disarray, with broken glass and shattered porcelain scattered across the floor. Right in front of the stair, a woman lay motionless with blood spattered on the floor, her body twisted at an unnatural angle.

A boy sat on the third stair, his hand covered in blood, gripping a sharp knife tightly. A fire was raging, tearing the house apart with flames. The boy sat still and spoke, "It's quiet now," as if nothing had happened. There was screaming outside, yet his face twisted into a smile.

"It's quiet now," he repeats.

Porsche's eyes snapped open, his body drenched in sweat. Abruptly, he awakens and sits up from his slumber.

A dream. The dream was stuck in his mind, replaying over and over again.

Kinn woke up with a start and saw Porsche breathing heavily beside him.

"It's okay now," Kinn reassured, as he pressed Porsche's head to his chest. The sudden wake of Porsche's in the middle of the night has become a familiar sound to him, signaling another nightmare. He knows now that Porsche's sleep is most of the time is haunted by vivid, terrifying dreams that leave him soaked in sweat.

The sudden shove from Porsche caused him to lose his balance and almost tumble off the bed. Kinn was startled, but he had encountered the same thing once before, so he wasn't completely caught off guard.

"It's me, Kinn," he tried again. He flicked on the nightstand light and saw Porsche's hand trembling. Porsche's eyes were glued to his hand, studying it as if it was a map he needed to decipher. "Babe, it's okay. It's a dream. You okay now,"

Porsche jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom. He turned on the tap and rubbed his hands together vigorously under the stream of water. Kinn followed him to the bathroom and felt a sense of unease as he watched Porsche frantically wash his hands, muttering something to himself.

"Porsche," Kinn called in a low voice, trying not to startle him. Porsche's muttering grew louder as he scratched and washed his hand, but Kinn still couldn't make out what he was saying. "Baby....stop,okay. It's clean,"

Porsche's breathing was labored as his eyes anxiously scanned his hand.

"Get off!" Porsche muttered.

This makes Kinn even more worried now. He assumed that Porsche is not entirely aware of what he is doing.

"Porsche! Porsche!" Kinn raised his voice to get his attention. He tried to hold his hand, but Porsche forcefully pushed him away and kept washing vigorously. "Baby, stop. It's clean,"

Porsche's hand washing grew more frantic as he muttered unintelligibly words to himself. Kinn's hand gripped his shoulder, spinning him around to meet his lips in a sudden, unexpected kiss. Porsche was rooted to the spot, unable to move a muscle.

"Stop, please!" Kinn breathed out and leaned his forehead against his, feeling their breaths mingle. "Please! don't scare me like that.....Stop!"

Kinn's voice was filled with a plea. He is frightened when Porsche becomes unrecognizable. He had a sense that there was a part of him he had yet to discover.The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming as he watched his struggle and was unable to aid him. The thought has crossed his mind more than once over the years - does he really know his husband at all?

He wants to help him escape his troubles, but he's unsure how to do so. Regret and guilt would always creep up on him because he blames himself for not knowing anything about him. He came to the realization that a large gap existed between them.