The 'Dead' Hanagaki

Chapter 31

Mitsuya POV*

I don't know if I can take this anymore.

Since last night my hearts been aching, as if it's about to break into thousands of pieces. That even I won't be able to put back together. Just when I was finally getting over what happened. Over her. This shit happens.

Last night, after that unknown duo left Mikey had ordered for all members- including captains- to leave. Excluding us founding members. Reasonably the five of us where shaken, we haven't heard a single word from her. And no matter how hard we searched we couldn't find her. We even went as far as going to the orphanage but all we were given was two envelopes and even more questions.

Hana was the very first girl that I loved, and she'll always hold a special place in my heart for being my first. I had always thought my feelings for her were nothing more than a silly childish crush, I never thought of her ever holding the same feelings for me. The thought of it seemed almost laughable, but it was the truth. The truth that I had learnt too late.

When the gangs and went to the orphanage, Mikey and I were both give a letter form her. I had opened the envelope when I got home, and sometimes I wish I hadn't. Cause if I didn't I wouldn't have suffered as much as I had.

What I had told that gang wasn't a lie, it was the truth actually. There was just one thing that I kept a secret from them, that she had confessed her feeling for me. I had read the letter over and over again, to the pint I have memorised it word for word.

Dear Mitsuya,

If your reading this then it means I've already left. You're all probably confused, but I'm doing this so no one of you will get hurt. I can't tell you exact what's going on on where I'll be going cause quiet frankly I don't know myself. Everything that's been going in my life has never once been in my control and I need go and fix that before shit gets worse.

I'm sorry to be doing this, and trust me when I say don't want to leave you guys. I'm so, so ,so sorry Mitsuya. And I'm even more sorry to be leaving with a such a burden, but I feel like I should tell you this at least. I love you,. Mitsuya Takashi. You made me realise that there is still hope for someone like me. You made me feel safe. You made feel like I was at home for the first time in my life. I love You Mitsuya Takashi, and I'm not saying you should wait for me. Live your life. Fall in love, fall out of love, cause havoc with the others. And if in the near time future, when I am done with all of this, I'll come back. That I promise.

-Love Hana

When I first read the letter, I ended up locking myself in my room for the next few days. I only came out when Mikey came over and dragged me out. He too got a similar letter to mine, so he understood the pain I felt. I had asked Mikey what we were gonna do and he told me that we should trust Hana and wait until she comes back. So I did, we all did. Toman continued to grow as the months passed by, and soon Hana's name as our seventh founding member was forgotten. Along with her name as 'The Deadly Nightshade' in the delinquency world.I couldn't help but let out a sad chuckle at the remembrance of the cheesy nickname. She absolutely hated that nickname, more than shantung else in this world. We all used it as a way to get under her skin - mainly Mikey, Kazutora and Baji. And it would always end with us on our knees and arms up in the air, bruises on our self. Those were the good times.

Over those past few months, I slowly began to heal. The memories of Hana no longer hurting me as much as it did before. But then again it could also be because someone else came in to my life. Someone who made the pain hurt a lot less. Y/N only interested me at first cause she reminded me a bit of Hana, and I guess that's what sort of pushed me to put in the effort of getting to know her. Thought I would always be left with a bitter after taste, cause in the back of my mind it felt as though I was using her as a rebound. And I hated that, I don't want to use her like that. But I was greedy, I wanted the closure I so desperately wanted.