Loving Cross

50.

*Anson's POV*

This man really does be pissing me off this week.

But the explanations are nice.

After the fight last weekend, what happened Monday, and the bullshit with Morgan, I should be so far past the point of pissed off at him still, but something in me just can't bring me to be mad at him for long.

The look on his face Monday when he was apologizing, and the look last night, it basically crushed my heart to the point where I couldn't be mad at him, because I know he does love me.

But there's this feeling in the pit of my stomach that it shouldn't be like this.

Sitting out on the deck of this air BNB, looking at the view of Nashville, it's the first time this week where I've felt like things are going to be OK.
Granted, it's sunrise and sunrise always calms me, but still.

Is this really how relationships are?

Saying stupid things and then taking them back?

"Well." I heard the sliding door. "Your head is screaming very loud this morning." Parker laid a blanket over me.

I looked up at him. "What're you doing up?"

"I went for a run." He sat down on the lounge chair beside me. "Went and grabbed everyone coffee on my walk back." He handed me a coffee cup. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." I nodded.

"Ani. I've been around long enough to know that fine doesn't mean fine." He shook his head. "The scale goes great, good, OK, not OK, I hate you, and then fine."

"You watch way too much 2 Broke Girls." I shook my head.

"But am I wrong?" He raised his eyebrows. "No, no I am not. Come on, what's up?"

I sighed, took a drink of my coffee, and leaned back. "I just. I don't think relationships are supposed to be like this." I shook my head.

"OK? Meaning?" He took a drink of his coffee.

"Saying things before we think, and then taking them back. Being filled with insecurities or begging people to stay. Loving someone to the point where you can't be mad at them for long when it's completely justified, or all these I'm sorry's over things that shouldn't happen anyway."

"Well Ani. I wish I could give you an answer from experience, but I can after seeing some." He nodded. "Relationships aren't easy." He shook his head. "They are filled with apologies, and a lot of patience. My mom and Paul, there's so many times I can count, where they have said things before they think. But you shouldn't have to think when it comes to your feelings. You should be allowed to say how you feel. What happened yesterday and Monday were two different situations. Cash told you how he felt. But yesterday, was a minute of pure stupidity. But then you did what my mom and Paul do, and you took a minute to relax before you let him talk to you. That was the right choice." He nodded.

"Well. I know they're not easy Park. But I don't think they should be this hard either." I shook my head. "I don't think you should say I'm sorry as much as you say I love you. And I don't think you should get a pain in your stomach when you know you should still be upset, but you can't be." I sighed.

He took a deep breath and nodded. "So, forget about what Cash wants for a minute. What do you want?"

"Well, I want him." I nodded. "But I think we're spending way to much time together, and I need a break. Not from the relationship, just spending time with him constantly."

"OK." He nodded. "Well, he has ROTC next weekend. Why don't we do something?"

"You don't have plans with Macey?" I raised my eyebrows.