No Guidelines

Chapter 14-5

  Kitty walked in with a look of excitement that was quickly replaced with a look of confusion. "What you doing Natalie?" She asked. Relief washed over Natalie. The situation could be remedied quickly, but she had to act fast before Audrey had a chance to come back. She also had to convince Kitty that nothing suspicious was happening.

  "Nothing!" she said. She stood speechless for a second, with only a small groan from her throat making any sound. "I was just looking at Audrey's Stuff."

  "Why?" Kitty asked. It wasn't accusatory, just inquisitive. As if she was genuinely curious why Natalie would be doing such a thing.

  "She just has such a different room from me it's... Nice." She replied. She looked around the room for something—a diversion. "Hey! Can you show me the restroom?" Kitty nodded her head energetically.

  "This way!" She said as she walked out the door. Natalie sighed in relief, her chest no longer feeling tight. But still. The feeling that she had just betrayed Audrey lingered but there was no denying what she had read. She was tempted to read more but didn't want to push her luck. She reached up and put the book back.

  She didn't want me there? She thought. She found Kitty waiting outside the bathroom door, the light already turned on for her. "Here you go!" she said enthusiastically. Natalie smiled at her and ruffled her hair. She closed the door and sat on the closed toilet seat. She didn't have to go but figured she'd use this time to just recollect herself.

  She placed her face—eyes first—into the palm of her hands. She tried really hard to will the memory of the diary entry into clarity. To see if she could see what the remainder of the page had written on it. But it was no use. Just vague scribbles of black ink following the clear words she read last. The way they both flirted with Jacob made me...

  Made you what Audrey! She smacked her head trying to jog the page into memory. Nothing.
There was a pang in her chest and suddenly she had the urge to cry. Memories of Audrey and her hanging out and talking came to mind. How they held each other the morning after drinking, how she bought her a new cardigan and a dress and even lent her some dresses of her own. The time they waited in the rain together for a ride after the carnival.

  And that's when it hit her. All this—It didn't happen overnight. She thought back to the entry date she read. It was the beginning of October, the 7th she remembered. Natalie had no clue who Audrey even was at that time. Of course, there weren't going to be happy memories of the two on that date. And so what if Audrey was dressing like her? That was the goal, wasn't it? To make a new Audrey? Someone who was confident in what she wore and who she is?

  More importantly, she knew that Jacob loved her and not Audrey. And She knew that Audrey genuinely cared about her. She gave off a warm feeling that Natalie didn't feel from most people. Natalie let out an exhausted laugh and pulled out some toilet paper and wiped her eyes. She couldn't believe she let Emma get in her head.

  Emma. If anything she now focused that frustration on her. The way she's been acting lately wasn't exactly what you'd call a good friend. But she had had her back since 9th grade. The two were practically inseparable. Somehow, Natalie thought, Emma was feeling jealous of how much time she was spending with Audrey and this little personal project. Somehow, Natalie felt she had to make it right.

  With a deep breath, she looked at herself in the mirror to make sure she was presentable then left the bathroom. She went back to Audrey's room and resisted the urge to look again at the diary. It helped that Audrey walked in mere moments after she had just entered.

  "Sorry about that Nat, the cleaning—for the most part, is all done," she said.  She sat on the bed and Natalie followed her. Natalie wanted to tell her about the book incident. She had to.