No Guidelines

Chapter 18

25, Dec. 2015 Fri
Audrey

Natalie remade the hot cocoa for Audrey after she politely declined the offer for a glass of wine. Natalie wasn't drunk but she was happier than she was before. But with a house that big and her parents still out, it was clear to Audrey why. The two sat on the couch in front of the glowing Christmas tree. The wine definitely loosened Natalie up—Much better than the numbexpressions she gave off an hour ago.

"I'm sorry but," Natalie said, breaking Audreys train of thought, "I didn't get you a gift."

"Youre totally fine, youve given me much more this year than anyone has in my life, thank you." Audrey sipped her cocoa.

"Oh! Let me give you your gift!"
Natalie leaned out of her chair. "You got me something?" she asked. She gave a cute smile.

"Well, more like made you something." She went through the plastic bag that held all the other books she forgot to give to her friends and found Natalies. She handed the red booklet to Natalie. She looked at it with childish wonder and opened it immediatly.

***

Natalie,

I spent a lot of time as a nobody. Sitting on the sidelines during what was supposed to be some of the best years of my life. I never understood that. I didnt see how homework and curfews could be the best years of my life. It was nothing like the movies. Nothing like the books. But meeting natalie made me understand that its because of me that it wasn't great.
I spent a lot of my time in school in self appointed isolation, aside from the few friends i did have. People like me are never the subject of a good high school story because we never do anything worth talking about. Now, Natalie. Thats a character people love to see in the movies and read in the books. Beautiful, smart, caring and living a life of excitement.
She was everything i wanted to be. So when She came to me wanting to hang out i was dumbfounded what someone like her would want with someone like me. Whatever it was, it was my chance to be someone else. A chance to live like Natalie and not an Audrey.
Natalie helped me embrace new things and has helped me embrace parts of me i wanted to keep hidden. But it wasn't all fun and games. I really let her down. I was constantly the origin of arguments between her and Emma and even my own friends. At times it felt like i was an infection in her life, only bringing her down. I hurt her because of scenarios i made up in my head when i should have just been honest with her.
In the end, Natalie was there to save me from my poisoned way of thinking. I wish i could do more for her than this dumb book but she deserves to know how amazing she is and how grateful i am.

***

Natalie gave that expression that looked like she wanted to cry and that the gesture was so cute. She held the booklet to her heart.

"Audie I love it!" She got up and hugged her. She was careful to not drop Audrey's hot cocoa. Natalies temple was pressed to Audreys. The two sat, staring at the tree. Audrey wondered what she was thinking about. How she felt about what she had read.

"Call me crazy, but you're my best friend now."

Audrey wasn't sure how she felt about hearing that. Happy for one thing but a shadow of guilt clouded her thoughts.

"Already?"

"What do you mean?"

Audrey sipped her cocoa some more. "I mean, you don't need to replace Emma. I swear I wasn't trying to."

"I know you weren't," Natalie said. "But if I'm being honest you've been more of a friend than her and I really feel I can be myself around you."

Audrey gave a soft smile. She felt the same. Admittedly, not at first, but over time Natalie felt like an older sister. At least how she imagined Kitty felt about her.