All mine (Kittyz)

t w e n t y - e i g h t

Haerin's POV:

Hyein had brought me a toothbrush and some other toiletries.

After brushing my teeth, I wash my face one more time.

I've been doing that a lot ever since the news.

I still can't believe this is my reality.

I've been living with drug dealers for months.

I always suspected something, all the signs, but I never dared to start imagining what I would do if it was true. If the signs had lead to anything.

I assumed them to be a part of some kind of mafia, but it was so out of line that I'd laugh it off.

I wish I could laugh this off too, that this is all in my head.

I'll wake up any second now.

I splash water on my face one more time and look at my reflection in the mirror. How do I get out of this?

I walk out and switch the lights off, opening the door to look for Hanni, she's sitting in front of my door.

"I'm going to sleep." I say, and she turns at the sound of my voice.

"Okay, sweet dreams." her voice is quiet, I nod, closing the door again, before she stops the motion with her hand.

"What?" I say sternly.

"I'm sorry, I never wanted any of this." she says, her eyes piercing into mine.

"I'm sorry too." I mumble and close the door, trying my hardest not to cry, I feel like I'm being choked.

I turn off all the lights and get under my sheets, I already know I'm not going to get any sleep, but laying in my bed is enough to make me calm down (a/n: i feel u girl being in bed is the most relaxing thing ever)

I hate myself, I hate myself so much for not pushing harder for answers; I allowed them to shut me up, push me around, and I didn't fight back.

And through it all, I made a place for them in my heart, I let them in. I let them stay.

And even though I hate them, and all the trust I held for them has been ripped away, I can't fight the small ache I feel for them.

The small rush I get thinking about them.

I had no one else, not even my own mother, I just had them.

Of course, of course, I'd get attached, what else could I have done?

They were so easy to love.

I loved them.

I squeeze my eyes harder, fighting the tears I feel building up in my eyes again, it's so hard not ro cry.

I don't want to hate them, how could I not? They lied, and they kept lying for days and days, not even trying to explain anything to me.

I was just like any other new anchor, they told me the same lie they told everyone else, medical equipment, I wasn't special.

I thought I was special.

I put my hand over my face, I thought I meant something, I thought they cared for me, I thought I was different to them, I was so stupid.

It all doesn't matter anymore.

It all doesn't matter.

- - - - -

I got no sleep last night.

I was just tossing and turning in my bed, trying to listen to the conversations the girls had outside when they were switching for look-out.