Tell Me When I'm Good Enough [Scrim Fanfic]

XV

SCOTT

September 19th 2016

"Put it down, Lore... I mean it. You don't want that shit in your system, you want Cora to grow without her mom? You want to be exactly like how I was? This shit doesn't help you; it doesn't make the pain go away; it gives you that false sense of freedom from how horrible life can be." I held my hands up, looking at her.

We had had moved to New Orleans a month ago and I was now thinking this was the biggest mistake I had done. Aristos came back with us, constantly going back and forth from New York to NOLA. I had also forgot how easy it was to get drugs from anywhere in New Orleans especially in the projects where we weren't far from.

I was fighting with Lorelei a lot more, she had turned to heroin, smoking it for now but it was only a matter of time before she started injecting that shit, something I didn't want her doing. I was slowly losing my mind, although I was on drugs myself, I knew Cora needed at least one parent to be on track.

I asked my parents if they could take Cora for a few days to a week while I tried to help Lorelei off of the drugs. It's been just over three weeks and two days since we moved back, spending more time trying to find a place to live out here, that was closer to my parents yet away from seventh ward where Ari and I would hang as kids.

My little brother, Tyler, happy that I had finally bought my first house back in New Orleans with clean money. I prayed that he'd never turn out like me, be anything else but me. I was supposed to be their example, someone for them to look up to, but my ass, just couldn't quite be that person they needed.

FLASHBACK

"Thanks ma, for having Cora." I handed my daughter over to my mom, placing her bag full of clothes and diapers to one side on the couch. Cora was learning to roll from her back to her front at five months old, the doctors saying that she was developing way too quickly and that our hands would be full with her. I was already dreading those days when she'd be able to walk, already knowing she'd be running around with things that she shouldn't have.

"Don't thank me boy, we love having our grand baby over, and your father he just loves having his granddaughter around." My mom kissed Cora's head, making her smile. She was getting bigger by the day, holding her own head up and being able to sit up on her own too.

"I feel bad is all." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck as I watched Cora lay her head on my mother's shoulder. She was grumpy, being woken up from her nap, but as soon as she saw her nana that was it, grumpiness disappeared.

Cora was the first granddaughter to the family. My brother, Gage, he was trying for a baby with his current girlfriend, and they did indeed fall pregnant again. This time I think they said it was a girl? They had already given my parents a grandson.

"Scotty, do you remember when we were trying to get you off the drugs?" I sighed a little, knowing exactly where she was going with this. They had tried when I didn't want the help, so they gave up. Watching me slowly kill myself every night with shit that I had found.

I nodded my head a little, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "I remember." I muttered, who could forget that shit? All we did was argue over my drug addiction, sorry mom, but I had to deal with it myself without being told what to do. At least the arguing isn't as bad anymore.

"So, you'll also remember that no matter how much we tried to help you, it just wouldn't work because you need to want the help." My mom reminded me. Shit, I was still doing drugs, making it sound like I was the cleanest guy on earth.

I was in an extremely bad place; mentally couldn't live in the world that I was born into. Nothing ever seemed to go right in my life, and it was starting to happen all over again this time involving the girl that I loved. My life was always stuck between a rock and a hard place, giving life the benefit of the doubt, but somehow it was never working out.