Rêveries

Epilogue

Go easy on yourself.

It's my first time living, it's my first time trying to heal myself from falling down so many times in my 22 year old life. I need to remember to breathe. I've already done so much, I've overcome so much and I've come so far.

Don't rush yourself.

Life is long, and it's beautiful, and it should be cherished in full. I have time, and so do you. Focus on the things that matter, not how much time has passed. What's coming is so much better than what's passed. Make the best of it. Promise me that.

I'm fully committed to myself. To make the best choices for myself, because I deserve it like everyone else. I want to progress as gracefully as I can and I want to look at myself and be able to admit that I've become so beautiful, not only on the outside, but also on the inside. I don't want to feel like my insides are made out of dirt and darkness. I want to feel like I'm filled with clear water with rose petals in it.

I want to feel the same way I know Jules saw me. I want to feel the same way Charles sees me. I want to feel the same way my parents see me. Because so many people; Arthur, Pascale, Evie, see me in a light I'm struggling to see myself in. My goal is to see what they see.

The path my life has taken has never made sense to me, but it doesn't have to. The important thing is that I keep moving forward. I'm coming to terms with allowing myself to not worry too much about where the path takes me. I trust it to bring me to the right place.

Sometimes it's not about the ending, it's about the story. I don't need a happy ending as long as I can say I had a happy story.

Forgive yourself.

Out of all the people I've met in my life. I'm the one who's been the most unfair to me. I need to forgive myself for allowing myself to be my biggest enemy. I should be my biggest fan.

To my younger self; I'm sorry. I'm sorry for spending so much time you were excited about beating myself up about things I had no control over. I'm sorry for not loving myself the way you loved the idea of me. I intend to become the person you wanted to be. I hope you keep cheering for me.

To my future self; I wish you all the best, and I can't wait to meet you, and I can't wait to love you like I should've loved myself all along. I'll see you down the road.

Sometimes the end looks like the middle. You're suddenly surprised that you've reached the end. I'm holding a pen, but my page has no more space.

Maybe it's time I turn the page.

But before I do, thank you.