𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗌 || 𝖣𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖬𝗈𝗆𝗌

No More Crybabies

"And I thought that they were just doing it for the show, so when we were alone in the den, I told them that they didn't have to act anymore."

My chest was heavy with guilt, my head was hurting from the stress, my hands were numb from the anxiety, and my heart was broken from everything. Unluckily for me, my parents brushed past the Giselle part ― even if they told her they'd talk later ― and gave me all their attention, which I did not want, but I had no choice but to continue. It hurt to tell them about Broadway. About how I either had the best or the worst days ever. How most of my days finished with a panic attack and how I lied to Kara right to her face.

Then, I started talking about how everything was when I came back. When I strained a smile and told my mom I had a great first day back when she drove us back home that Tuesday night. When Giselle's and Kendall's words were stuck in my head all week long. When I wasn't even able to sleep because of them.

But the story was becoming worse by the second, and I knew that I was going to reach that part soon, so I started to mentally prepare as I told them all about the day Maddie called me to the bathroom. I told them about how she actually believed me and how relieved I felt.

Seriously, I don't think I would have gotten past those few weeks if it wasn't for her. She was the only reason I even wanted to show up anymore.

I moved on to talk about the argument I had with Giselle about Kendall. About how she kept on blaming me about the voicemail but didn't even bother to tell me what it actually said, but still, I did have someone. Maddie and Asia. As I talked about Asia, I soon realized how much I missed her. I continued talking, telling them about how the other girls "forgave" me during nationals and how everything was going back to normal until the Hylands left. For some reason, I had never felt more vulnerable in my life, and then Abby told me to go to studio "C" because I wasn't "focused" to learn my solo that week.

At studio "C".

Everything was about to go down, and I wasn't sure if I wanted that to happen, but with no other choice ― like everything else at that moment ― I started telling them everything.

Sadly, I remembered even the most insignificant details of that afternoon. That was exactly what kept me up most nights.

"She wanted me to start with the pointe thing on the nineteenth, but I didn't want to because I didn't want to get hurt," I explained, tugging the right arm's sleeve down. "Because you're supposed to start pointe when your feet are strong enough. People say that you're supposed to start at thirteen, so I told her I would do it in a couple of years-- she looked annoyed that I said no and said that I needed to renew the contract. I-I didn't know the contract was over. I thought it was six seasons like the Zieglers." I looked up at Mom and then back down. "So maybe I didn't think it through, but I told her I wanted to leave because then maybe we could finally do our plans of moving to Arizona like you always said, but she got mad--"

I choked up at that moment and hoped I wouldn't start crying before I told them everything.

"--She started saying stuff like, "what about me? are you going to take all the things I taught you and give them to someone else?". I was starting to feel bad, but then she got scary and said that I was an ungrateful and ignorant person that didn't care about anyone but herself." That was when I realized I was actually crying. The tears rolled down my face, but I didn't even try to wipe them away. "She said that the girls were using me because I was famous. She then played an audio of an argument between her, Christi, Giselle-- and mom, and they made you choose a daughter, but you chose Giselle and I felt so-- so weird. Like, broken..?"