do i wanna know? [ERENxF.READER]

eleven

A/N: Ngl...I didn't fully proofread so my bad if there is a spelling mistake LOLL but enjoy this chapter! Another major event happening!-Ian :3

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 Since classes started up again, I have been putting in the most effort to keep myself caught up on my work. My midterms were finally graded and I got a ninety-eight. Thanks to Eren's intelligence, he really saved me. I groaned as I sat in class. Another day of dullness. It was boring and plain. No excitement in my life. Nothing to do but listen to what I'm supposed to be listening to. I was bored.

There was nothing at this time that I could think of that could entertain me other than my phone but I'd rather not use it.

Colt and I are on better terms after the conversation but even then, things are still rocky. It's just the same conversation we always wind up having. I'm different, I'm off, I'm not entirely there. I'm just not present enough for him and I can't give him an explanation that will suit his satisfaction so that's where we are now.

Colt is a good person. I really think so. It's the most complex thing; What we have. It's not simple to explain it. Other than what I already did explain. But the feeling of it, the experience, it all feels a lot more than I can say. It's not overwhelming but it's confusing.

I just feel like there's so much of an empty space that I should fill in with Colt. But I can't find myself to have the energy for that. And maybe he's a little too good for me. Maybe I don't deserve Colt.

I don't feel self-pity or doubt when I think about it though. But I do feel guilt. Just for him. Because I'm too selfish to let him go right now and he's too selfless to care about that.

I sighed as I packed my things before heading out and meeting up with Mikasa like I always do. She gives me a big smile, encouraging me to give her one back. I snicker before smiling sarcastically at her before she pulled me into a warm hug.

"Don't be sarcastic with me," She jokes. I chuckle as we walked down the campus sidewalk. I sighed.

"So, what are the plans today?" I ask her. She looks up at the sky as light snow falls. She shrugs her shoulders before looking at me, her dark eyelashes catching small snowdrops. Her red scarf tucked into her neck and thickly wrapped around her cheeks and nose. I give her an adoring smile.

"Nothing. I was thinking we just stayed in and watched a movie. We can go to the supermarket and buy some hot chocolate and bake something. Smores," She hums at the idea, craving it entirely at this point. I chuckle before nodding.

"Sounds like the best night ever. You wanna invite anyone or is it just us?" I ask her. Our feet crunch onto the thin layer of white snow on the used sidewalk.

"Maybe the girls? If you're down. It doesn't matter to me," She casually tells me.

"We can invite the girls. Don't tell Connie though. He'll wanna come," I lightheartedly tell her. She laughs.

"I'll tell Sasha to keep her lips sealed then. Some booze?" She suggests. I shrug my shoulders in a 'any which way' manner.

"Sure, if you want to," I reply calmly. She nods.

"What's been going on with you and Colt recently then?" She asks me. That's right. That was what was plaguing my mind before we met up. I sighed, indicating my tiredness from the topic since I was thinking about it so much.

"I dunno. We're okay now. We aren't texting as much as I'd like but I'm not gonna break an arm and a leg to get him to talk to me. It's all weird. We had this talk and it's like we're both aware this probably isn't going to last but no one is ending it," I tell her. She watches me as we walked.