Want Me (BoyxBoy)

-24-

*Mature

-Wes-

We didn't talk much throughout the week due to whatever he was busy with. Mainly just little small talk in the morning and before going to bed. I never asked what he was doing. Despite the 'boyfriend' label, I felt like it wasn't my business. Though I'm curious as hell.

As for what I've been doing this week... Yeah, I've backed out of it every night. Not entirely. I've still been touching down there, but I can't brave myself up enough to actually push a finger in. I tried the next day like I said I was going to, but as soon as I tried to insert just the tip of it, the stretching sensation was too weird. I immediately stopped, thinking it was too soon and that I should just keep touching the outside. But I've been doing that every night for the past five nights. That's not helping at all. Besides it doesn't feel as strange to touch now.

I'm supposed to be seeing Ryland tonight, and I have no plans to tell him about this. I thought about it, but with no progress made, I don't see the point. He'll probably just offer to do it, and his fingers look bigger than mine. It'll just feel worse if anything.

I let a sigh out. I'm being a little bitch. I know it. I mean, girls push an entire baby out of their vaginas, and I can't handle a finger? Like, c'mon. I've took shits bigger than my fucking finger! I know I could probably handle it. It's just doing it myself that's the problem. But asking him sounds worse. Though he's the one that I plan to let fuck me in the future. He should be the one that gets me ready for it. Right?

I was going to drive straight over to Ryland's after school, but I decided to grow a pair. I go home, lock myself in the bathroom, and climb in the shower with the razor and shaving cream. I decide against using the enema since I'm apparently not capable of inserting anything there. And it's not like we're going to go all the way in one night anyway. I might not even end up letting him do it if it feels too weird. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. I guess if it does, I might not be cut out for bottoming. Which honestly would suck.

~

I would've never guessed how fucking hard it is to shave your own ass. I somehow managed to avoid any cuts, and when I checked using a hand mirror, I seemed to have done a pretty good job. But damn, it wasn't easy. I read that a partner could help you do it, but that's just something else that seems embarrassing to do.

I've come to learn that in a gay relationship, you can't be shy about ass. It's just not possible. But here I am, completely embarrassed at the fact that I just shaved mine to go attempt to get fingered. And it's even more embarrassing to think that Ryland is probably expecting an innocent evening, and I've got to be the one to bring it up. I know he'd willingly do it, but how does someone just ask that?

See, if I would've actually went through with it myself, I could possibly be attempting sex tonight. But no, I'm too much of a pussy. I let a sigh out and get ready to go over there because even if I don't bring it up, I still want to see him. It's been a long week.

When I pull up outside his place, I sit there a total of five minutes, contemplating what I want to do. He even sends me a text, asking where I am since he knew I was on the way and that I should've already been here. I pull myself together and decide to hold the whole thing off for now before climbing out and going to his door to knock. It's just too embarrassing.

Seeing him makes my decision falter some. His expression is adorably happy, his smile lifting and his eyes shining as soon as he sees me. But my mind that's currently in the gutter flashes back to the expression he made while coming. I want to see that again. While he's thrusting inside me.

Oh my god. Yeah, I don't need to hold this off. I think I want it just as much as he probably does.

"Hey. You look good."