Hopeless | taekook

chapter 33

JUNGKOOK'S POV[⚠️TW:MENTAL HOSPITAL, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS]

I had been in the mental hospital for a few days now. It was an unfamiliar place to me, and I was feeling overwhelmed. I was scared of the unfamiliar faces and the strange noises that echoed through the halls. I was confused and frightened by the treatments and medications.

Each day I was filled with fear and uncertainty. My mind was clouded with doubt and anxiety. I was trying to make sense of the world around me, but I felt so lost. I wanted to go home, but I was scared of what the future held.

I was trying to keep my head up, but it felt like I was being dragged down into a dark abyss. I tried to hold on to hope, but I was losing my grip. I was desperate for someone to talk to, someone to understand what I was going through.

I knew that I had to fight through this, and I was determined to do so. I was determined to get back on track and reclaim my life. I was determined to find peace and happiness again.

In group I talked about myself. 

"Hello everyone. My name is Jungkook and I'm here at the mental hospital to talk about some very difficult experiences I've had over the years"

"I was sexually abused as a child, which left me feeling completely alone and afraid. I started using drugs and self harming  as a way to cope, but it only made things worse. Eventually, I was kidnapped and taken to a different town  Thankfully, I was able to escape and return home"

"The experience left me with an eating disorder. I would starve myself for days, and then binge eat. I felt like I had no control over anything"

"I was in a dark place for a long time, but I'm finally starting to realize that I can take control of my life and have a bright future. I'm so thankful to be here and to have the opportunity to talk about my experiences"

I'm standing here in this group of strangers, and I'm terrified. I've never opened up about my story before, and it's hard to know where to start.

"I was raped when I was just 12 years old, and I've been living with the trauma of that experience ever since. I've been through so much since then - physical and emotional abuse, drug addiction, being kidnapped multiple times, an eating disorder, and self-harm"

"It's been a long and difficult road, but I'm trying to take my life back. I'm speaking out now, trying to find the strength to move on from my past and to heal. I know I'm not alone in this journey, and I'm so grateful for the support" I finished speaking. 

After group I headed back to my room. I sat down on my bed. 

"Hey there, roommate! How are you feeling today?" my roommate who's name is mingi. 

"Not so great. I'm feeling really anxious and overwhelmed"I say to him.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked 

"Just being here and listening to me is really helpful. Thanks for asking"I say as I closed my eyes to take a nap. 

TAEHYUNG'S POV 

The sun was slowly setting, but the tears that trickled down my face were still hot and heavy. I had been sitting here for hours, watching the sun go down, and my heart ached for my boyfriend. I had been counting down the days until he would be released from the mental hospital, but it seemed like an eternity. We had been together not then long but  I felt like I was missing a part of myself without him.

I thought back to all the times we had spent together, laughing, talking, and enjoying each other's company. I felt a deep loneliness without him here, and my chest tightened with sorrow. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, and tell him that everything was going to be alright.