Star Wars: How to Become a Galactic Emperor

Chapter 33 | Palpatine Needs a Break from His Family

 Ah, yes Dead-Man's Way, it should have been a smooth ride, but it would be a ride, nonetheless. Zipping from planet to planet with relative ease. Sadly, for Palpatine's team, they didn't make it past two parsecs before they began careening into some alien planet's atmosphere.

Pieces of Jim's "masterful" model broke apart as the hull heated up. The metal groaned as it turned red hot. The innards began to creak and split as they melted and fell apart.

"Not to worry, we're still flying half a ship!" Jim shouted as half of the ship peeled off in the atmosphere. Palpatine stared as the other half of the ship disappeared into the bleak air below.

"JIM! SHUT UP! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Mairda screamed as she twisted the steering wheel in every which way possible. Palpatine hung on for dear life as the ship jerked this way and that. A knot twisted twisted his innards. He could barely breathe.

It was only when he was thrown forward against his sister's backseat that all of the chaos ceased. Well, at least for Palpatine. Everything turned to a calming black. All in all, he had knocked himself out quite so. Things were going great so far for Palpatine's second thrill ride of his life.

"Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!" Jim's voice snapped Palpatine out of his unconscious state.

Palpatine stared down at the smoking controls and turned to his sister. His hands moved clumsily over the buttons as he felt its red-hot surface. "Faulty engine perhaps?" he said a bit groggily.

"Fark..." Mairda muttered under her breath. She turned to Jim, "You said you changed out the engine for a fresh one!"

Jim stared at her for a moment, "Um...I was getting to that." He fiddled with his hands. "With the wedding and everything...I got a bit distracted."

Palpatine scrunched up his pants in his hands and his gaze drifted up to Jim, "You got...distracted?" he asked in a deadly quiet voice.

Mairda gave Palpatine a look, "Don't you start, Sheev."

"Start what? We're stranded on an unknown drifting planet who knows where?!" He stood up and pointed at his sister, "Dead Man's Way is one of the most uncharted systems in the galaxy! WE MAY NEVER BE FOUND, MAIRDA!"

Mairda stood up and took a stance in front of her fiancée, "First of all, Sheev, we don't know exactly what happened. It might not even be the engine. It might..." she trailed off and looked around the cockpit, "It could be the computer, the tank. We know nothing."

Palpatine crossed his arms, "Well, we know we may die."

Mairda gave her brother a look, "Hush. Being cynical won't help much. Now, come along you two." She motioned to Jim and Palpatine as she exited the cockpit.

Palpatine threw Jim a scathing glance before strutting out after his sister.

Jim scoffed behind him, "I'm sure it's not the engine, Sheev."

"Then what? Your incompetence?"

Jim sighed deeply and muttered, "In-laws."

Palpatine spun around, "Not yet."

"Soon then."

"That's for her to decide," Palpatine said in a biting tone, "She's not your wife yet but she will always be my sister."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jim asked pointedly.

"Sheev. Jim." Mairda called from down the metal hallway. They both rushed towards her, and she pressed a mask into their palms. "Wear this. This planet is not exactly..." She glanced out the viewport to the dusty landscape, "...habitable."