Getting The Guy

Chapter 13: The Butterflies

Song: Time After Time

Artist: Cyndi Lauper (Cover by AbelTriesHerBest)

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I never knew that I could feel this way about anyone.

My palms feel sweaty.

But at the same time they don't.

My body feels jittery.

Yet I feel relaxed.

My mind is swirling.

But I feel calm.

I feel nervous all over and all I keep thinking about is if I'm going to mess up and do or say something stupid.

Sean is sitting in front of me. He has his fingers wrapped halfway around a large juice cup.

His fries and double cheesy burger are nowhere to be seen. Empty ketchup packets are scattered on the empty burger wrapper that is spread out before him.

I slowly sip the remaining liquid in my cup.

Sean glanced around the busy restaurant then at me. And when his eyes turn to me, I panic and divert my eyes quickly.

I turn my attention to the unfinished burger and the bits and pieces of fries splattered with ketchup that are left in front of me.

"Are you done?" He queries.

I clear my throat and nod meekly.

"I should probably drop you home now before it gets late. I don't want to worry your parents."

Parent,** I want to say to correct him.

But I don't.

I want to tell him that it wouldn't matter if I'm home late anyways because no one's home today. Wilma went home for the day and with my dad still out of the country, that just leaves me.

Lonely Vannessa.

This is something I should be used to, but it still hasn't become any easier to digest.

Even though most of my life has been centred around this recurring feeling of emptiness, I still have a hard time accepting it.

I feel like maybe that's why I hid myself from the world. Maybe that's why I used my education as a shield-a distraction from the truth.

A blanket to cover the nakedness that is the real me.

Bland and vulnerable to the world.

Maybe that's why I am so onboard with the whole idea of getting Sean's attention.

Maybe I want to end this hollowness that's lurking inside me.

Maybe I want to end it before it eats me alive.

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We stopped outside of my house.

I notice that the outside lights are on. They begin to grow brighter as the sky of grey, blue, peach and pink hues begin to darken the more the evening passes by.

It is darker than it was when we were at the diner.

Sean's car engine is still on and he gazes in what I think is admiration at my house.

"Nice house," he says with a slight whistle.

"Thanks."

It is silent for a few beats.