Teenage Dream • Fermín Lopez

Chapter 44: Falling Apart

🎶 Falling Apart — Michael Schulte 🎶

The days slowly passed, my brain getting fuller and fuller with my thoughts, it was like my head was being bombed. I couldn't get on TikTok anymore, my FYP was full with either edits from thirsty Fermín fans or wild gossip theories about cheating footballers. I managed to stall a few days, but I couldn't not see Fermín, I was starting to feel really bad, because I knew I loved him but somehow my brain wouldn't allow me to go further with it or deepen those feelings.

And so I kept myself busy in the kitchen all Friday afternoon after agreeing for Fermín to come visit me that evening. When he arrived, I didn't manage to greet him with more than a quick peck on the lips before disappearing into the kitchen again, mumbling that I still had to prepare some stuff. Everything was pretty much ready and I looked at all the pots and pans containing the five courses I had prepared, just to keep my brain occupied with other thoughts than my relationship or future possible heartbreaks.

"Wow, you've gone all out" Fermín said quietly into my ear, heaving crept up on me and put his hands on my waist. The sensation of his hands on my exposed skin between my t-shirt and my skirt sent me into overdrive and I turned around to kiss him hungrily, which he immediately reciprocated. It was heating up, and not only because of the hot pans and pots standing everywhere. Suddenly, Fermín grabbed me and picked me up to sit me on the kitchen counter. I spread my legs for him to get in between and we continued kissing, my hands wandering around his back, while his got under my t-shirt, immediately finding my breasts, which he exposed by pulling down the cups of my bra.

I fidgeted with the button of his jeans, and before they dropped to the ground, Fermín pulled out his wallet to look for a condom, which he was quick to put on.
"You should wear skirts more often, they're so much more practical" Fermín chuckled as he just pushed my panties to the side before entering me with a swift movement. I couldn't manage to say anything, only a load moan fell from my lips when I felt him stretching me out inside. He picked up pace and slammed in and out of me relentlessly, the pleasure was unbelievably good.
"I'm close" I whispered and he put his thumb on my clit, rubbing it and intensifying the fire in my abdomen.

"Come for me" he groaned, seemingly close too as his thrusts started getting sloppier. His husky voice gave me the last push and I unraveled in his arms, him following immediately. He pulled out of me and we both regained our powers after this intense... session. But now my guilt was only eating me up even more from inside, how was I going to resist him, was this our last time having sex? It felt so right, but I was so afraid...

"Come on, let's start eating" I sighed and clapped my hands as I made my way to the table with the starter in my hands. We sat down and started eating, chit chatting here and there, but I felt that he felt that it was awkward. Thankfully, I could excuse myself quite often to the kitchen to get something I had forgotten or the plates for the next course. As we had finished dessert, he smiled at me. Why couldn't I just trust him? I had no particular history of trust or abandonment issues and absolutely no reason to be afraid, but somehow, I just was. And not being able to explain that to myself made me angry.
"That was amazing, I don't know how I deserve all of this." he chuckled and gesticulated at the table, the plates and the kitchen. "I don't know how I deserve you" he whispered and leaned closer to cadres my cheek. I closed my eyes and successfully fought back the tears.

"You want to watch a movie?" I asked as I stood up to get the dishes to the kitchen, hoping to buy myself two hours of silence in front of the TV or so. He nodded and we sat down on my couch, him immediately putting an arm around me - I felt safe, so safe and I wished that it could stay like this forever.
You're not special, he could do that with any other girl. And he will, my subconscious told me again as I clicked on Mamma Mia. It was my favourite movie and I hoped it would cheer me up a bit and get me out of my hole.

I focused on the movie and so did Fermín, but I saw him pull out his phone half an hour in or so.
"Should I fix a date for our dinner with your brother and Fati next week? She just texted me..." he said and I started sweating a bit.
"Um... next week is pretty... full" I stammered, hoping to push back this dinner as far as possible. How could I tell my brother about me and Fermín if I wasn't sure about where this was going? I could be ruining his friendship with Carlos and my relationship with him for maybe nothing and I wasn't going to risk that.

Fermín turned to me and reached over to get the remote to pause play.
"Ok, what is going on? I've really tried being supportive but you have been weird for days now, please tell me what's on your mind" he said, trying not to sound as if he was begging, but he was.
"Nothing! I'm just really full next week-" I started, but he cut me off.
"Bullshit, what's really going on? Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you? This is my first relationship, I don't really know-" he said but now it was my turn to cut him off.
"No, everything is fine! Jeez, don't act like a drama queen!" I said, slightly getting louder.

"Clara!" he shouted in a severe tone.
"What!" I shouted back and stood up, really starting to get angry for absolutely no reason. He stood up too and had the most hurt and angry expression on his face.
"You don't want to tell Carlito" he stated with a challenging look and I stayed silent. "Why?" he asked and moved closer.
"Because I don't know where we're headed!" I blurted out.
"Where we're headed?! We're in a relationship! That usually heads to staying together and getting married eventually! What the fuck! A week ago we were on the same page about that, what the hell happened?" he shouted and I had no answer for him.

"You're unbelievable!" he shouted angrily.
"Oh come on! Can't you see it? You football players are all the same! You get one good girl and eventually you'll screw me over and over! I'm not willing to get hurt" I shouted and a tear rolled down my cheek.
"So this is how you see me! You're the worst of all! You should be seeing who I really am, the boy from El Campillo, your childhood friend, and instead you're only seeing the guy that scored in a Clasico and got promoted to the first team! You're so superficial!" he shouted back at me.
"I'm superficial?! You're the one running around with all your new branded Louis Vuitton stuff and shit" I replied, we were full on arguing now.
"My God, if you're already this annoying now it would be no wonder if I were to cheat someday!" he shouted and my jaw dropped. He had also realised what he had just said, confirming all my fears and I broke out crying.

"Clara..." he mumbled and walked over to hug me.
"Stay the fuck away from me" I sobbed and he stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind him. And then I broke down crying. But for some reason, I felt safer this way. This was breaking my heart now, but he had only been able to hurt me with words (that he said in anger) and that way, he could always stay the nice and cute Fermín in my thoughts at least. He would hate me for a while but in a few years maybe we would be able to laugh about it. I will always love him.