Dear Diary

Chapter 40

Dear Diary,

Well, it's been a crazy ass week so far.  Danny had Frankie come over mid afternoon on Sunday and tow his truck to the shop.  He didn't want to chance driving it until it could get checked out because how knows what that crazy bitch fucked up under the truck.  Danny said one good thing about being down to just my truck - it's in the garage and the bitch can't get at it.  

After he got back from the shop, we went over to his apartment to see his mom.  Lord have I missed her.  She was always good to me, even when Danny would fuck things up.  She would have my back, and there were days that I wondered why.  I found out when he left town with that other chick, Melanie.  I had tried to get him to stay by telling him how much I loved him, but it didn't do anything.  When I talked to his mom about a week later, she told me that my telling him that was the right thing to do, and that in the end, it did matter.  Maybe she saw what we couldn't see back then.  She's for damn sure glad that he's seeing it now.  She couldn't stop hugging me and saying how happy she was that Danny had finally come to his senses.  "As for Lacy," she began, "the girl is a hot mess and needs to just accept that things are over.  She is worse than what Lynn was to Sam."

Thankfully, Mom talked Danny into listening to the police about getting that protection order.  I went with him on Monday, and man was this a fucked up situation.  I had to end up talking to the judge too because the latest incidents happened at my house.  Long story short, this bitch can't come near Danny, his apartment, my house, or the shop.  If she does, she's in deep shit.  Is it wrong of me that I hope she does try something?  Just so that she can get put away and Danny and I won't have to worry about her?  Ugh. 

Once we were done at the courthouse, we went into the shop.  This is so weird.  I mean, I know Tony's.  Shit, I've been walking in that door since I was nineteen, with a bit of a hiatus lately, but still.  This was weird as I was there to work.  I didn't get much done as I spent the day cleaning up the office.  Good grief, how these two get anything done or can find anything is beyond me.

I finally got MY space cleaned up towards the end of the day Monday, and it was all ready for me to "move in" yesterday.  And with Danny being down his truck, he's staying with me again so he can get to work.  It's kind of weird, this work situation.  But, I don't feel all stressed out.  Fuck, if I had called in to Laura on Monday about having to go to the courthouse, she probably would have fired me.  And for what?  For trying to protect myself and my boyfriend?

Hmmmm, my boyfriend.  Damn, I love seeing that.  Yes, I was having some fun before he showed back up.  I like the attention.  But I still missed him.  Hell, he's at the shop right now and I miss the fuck out of him.  But I suppose this is good to have a day off in the middle of the week.  Gives me the chance to be able to do things.  And gives me the chance to miss him.  Not that I haven't missed him before, but this is different.  I know I'm going to see him at the end of the day.  I know he's going to wrap me up in those arms of his.  I know he's going to cover my mouth with his and breath such a love inside of me, that it will make me dizzy.  I know he's going to be looking at me and asking how the fuck he got lucky enough to get me.  Truth be told, I'm the lucky one.  When he first kissed me all those years ago in Sam and Dean's house, I was in such a shock at what he had done, that I really couldn't think straight.  It took me at least a month or two before I realized that I liked him beyond being my best friend.  I remember when he found out too.  I had NO clue how to seduce a man.  But fuck did I learn quick.  He liked it too.  Just a little light scratch of the nails here, a few small pecs on the neck there, haha.  Oh did I have him going.  He was so surprised when I planted that kiss on him.  But he was smiling after.  And even through all of our shit, he's still here.  

I really thought Saturday night after I started crying because of Dylan, that it was going to be so-long Danny.  Yes, he was right.  At the ages we were, eighteen and nineteen, there was NO way we were ready to be parents.  None.  And, no the miscarriage was NOT my fault.  But isn't a mom supposed to protect their child?  I still feel like it is my fault.  Like, I failed Danny.  He says in no way did he every think that, and he still doesn't.  But, I can't sit here and say it doesn't make me wonder.  Where would we be?  Would we be married?  Divorced? Was it a boy or a girl?  I suppose the fact that he still loves me should cancel out all those questions for now.  But what if it's too late for us?  What if we can't?  After Brad getting me sick, the doctors have told me that I may never be able to have a baby.  Can Danny live with that?  I know how important it is to him to have a family.  Then again, he knows about what Brad did to me, and he's still here.  He's still with me.  I guess I just answered my own question.

"Diiiiiiiiiiiing dooooooooooooong."  Damn doorbell.  Oh well, I supposed I should get downstairs anyway and start making dinner.