𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 • Tom Kaulitz

chapter forty-nine

orphic face claims!!!!

in order: alex turner as aiden, liz gillies as audrey and alexander arnold as ray

"You're proper staring, mate," Aiden whispered to Ray.

"What? At who? Luna?"

Aiden laughed. "No, at Bill. Thought you said he was too emo."

"Too emo and too male, bro, I'm not gay."

"The look in your eyes is a bit queer. Not a bad thing!"

"Not saying it is, I'm just not."

"You know you can tell me, don't you?"

Ray rolled his eyes and stood up, walking to the bathroom. Aiden didn't bother to follow him. There'd been tons of times where he'd seen Ray staring at guys. Whenever he saw him with a girl, flirting or kissing or dancing, he could always tell it was forced.

Ray was like his little brother. He could read him inside out. He knew. He just didn't know if Ray knew, and that hurt him a bit.

It was 2008. He knew what people were like around gay people, especially in their area. Aiden knew that, if Ray really was gay, he'd be harassed left right and centre the moment he came out. He didn't want that for him, but it was the sad truth.

Maybe practically trying to force it out of him wasn't the best idea, but he didn't know if Ray would ever come to the obvious conclusion himself. Hopefully people would change, hopefully he'd feel more accepted eventually.

Ray, on the other hand, was panicking. He walked into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and ran his hands through his long hair. He knew. He knew he was gay, and he knew just how attractive he found Bill, but Bill probably wasn't gay, and Ray didn't wanna come out anyway.

He'd had his fair share of homophobic abuse. Of course, he hadn't came out to anyone, but he was different. From ages thirteen to sixteen, he had one of those typical emo haircuts. He wore black eyeshadow all around his eyes and wristbands from every concert he went to. He wore skinny jeans and he'd even sometimes wear colourful belts.

Then he grew out the hair, ditched the colours and went for an all black look. The fingerless gloves and studded belt received a few stares and names. 'Fag' was basically his nickname at this point.

But imagine he actually came out? He was famous now. Everyone around him would know. He'd read horrible news stories of things that happened to guys like him. He didn't wanna get his ass kicked. He'd rather just hide and pretend to enjoy the taste of girls' lips.

Once he'd calmed down, fixed his hair and caught his breath, he walked out of the bathroom, sitting next to Crimson instead of Aiden. Bill soon came and sat down on the other side of Crimson and Ray shifted uncomfortably.

"Are you okay?" Crimson asked.

Ray nodded. "I might go home, actually."

"Feeling sick?"

"Yeah, hot in here. I'll see you tomorrow, though. Just tell the others I'm off, I can't be arsed finding them."

"Alright, love you."

"Love you."

"Bye," Bill smiled and waved, but Ray did nothing back, instead just walking out. Bill and Crimson just shrugged at each other, figuring he hadn't noticed, or maybe he was nervous.

He certainly was nervous.