Old Friend Book 5

Chapter #48

Chapter #48

⚠️Mentions of Suicide and Survivor's Guilt⚠️

April 5th 2023

Scarlett's POV

It's fucking April 5th I hate this day so fucking much. Today is the anniversary of the death of one of Sam and I's good friends. I don't want to be away from Sam "Sam!" I shout. "She's in the studio." Liz says playing with the kids building legos. I open the door and she's at the piano playing and she's crying. I don't say anything, I just sit next to them. "It's not fair!" She yells slamming her hands on the piano keys. "I know, trust me I know." I say tears falling down my face. "I should have seen the signs! I had attempted suicide before he died!" She yells. "There's nothing we could have done." I try to comfort her. "But what if?" I stopped her. "Stop Sam! We lost our best friend! He's gone ok he's gone!" I shout letting my grief get the best of me.

Lizzie's POV

"I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SIGNS! I HAD ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BEFORE HE DIED!!" Sam yells. "Robbie, take the kids to our place." I instruct and he nods and takes the kids. I know today is a hard day for Scarlett and Sam but I never knew why. I run down stairs and when I am half way down the stairs I hear Scarlett yell. "There's nothing we could have done." Scarlett tries to comfort her. "But what if?" Scarlett stopped her. "Stop Sam! We lost our best friend! He's gone ok he's gone!" She shouts. "JARED IS DEAD!!! WHY DID I SURVIVE AND HE DIDN'T IT'S NOT FAIR SCARLETT!!" Sam screams and I run down to the room. "Because you can't survive what he did!" Scarlett yells. "IT SHOULD BE ME!! I SHOULD BE DEAD!!" Sam shouts. "DON'T FUCKING SAY THAT!! DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY THAT!! I HAVE WATCHED AS THEY TAKE YOU AWAY IN AN AMBULANCE TOO MANY FUCKING TIMES!!" Scarlett screams smacking Sam's chest. "Enough both of you!! I know that today is hard on you two but last time I saw you two fight like this Sam ended up in a hospital." I say separating the two. "Now sit the fuck down. Who is Jared?" I ask. "A friend of ours, a really close friend. He committed suicide in two thousand and three today is the twentyith anniversary." Scarlett says. "Can I hug Sam?" She asks and I nod letting her go into Sam's arms. "He helped with getting me away from Marcus. He beat him to a pulp after he saw what he did to me the night Scarlett saved me." Sam says as she holds Scarlett on their lap. "He was always there for us. When people would bully Sam for being intersex Jared would always come to her defense. He was almost like a brother to us." Scarlett says holding onto Sam.

Scarlett's POV

"I wrote a song for him." Sam says. "I wrote multiple actually but I want to play this one for you." Sam says, looking at me. "Are you two going to be ok if I leave you? Robbie is dealing with the kids on his own." Lizzie says. "Yeah we'll be ok." I say and Sam smiles at me and nods and Liz leaves. "I'm sorry for saying it should have been me." Sam apologizes. "It's the survivors' guilt. I know you feel like it should have been you but Sam you are meant to be here with your family." I tell her. "I know that but there's always that small negative voice in my head you know?" She says. "I know and I am here for you just like you are for me." I tell her. "Want to hear it?" She asks, referring to the song. "Yes I'd love to." I say and go to get off her lap but she wraps an arm around me. "Uh huh. I can hold you and play the piano. I've done it before." Sam says so I rest my head back onto their shoulder. "I actually wrote this a few days after he died but I never had the guts to play it. This is "I Miss You." Sam says and begins to play.

"I'm a mess right now"

"Tryna figure out this wreck"

"You're never around"

"Always choose something instead"

"Said you're here for me"

"That that always will be true"

"Still no vacancy"

"No you're never here to prove"

"I don't want you to run away"

"But you're fading out of sight"

"Haven't seen you for an eternity"

"Are you leaving me behind"

"Been needing you so desperately"

"But you never make the time"

"Can't you see what you do to me"

"Are you leaving me behind"

"I should be used to it the"

"Emptiness when the"

"Ones you love all"

"Feel so distant"

"Seasons change no"

"Face to face"

"How I miss you"

"How I miss you"

"Leaves they fall then"

"Snow it comes just"

"Short connections"

"Hi bye done"

"Memories plague of"

"What once was"

"How I miss you"

"How I miss you"

"I don't want you to run away"

"But you're fading out of sight"

"Haven't seen you for an eternity"

"Are you leaving me behind"

"Been needing you so desperately"

"But you never make the time"

"Can't you see what you do to me"

"Are you leaving me behind"

"Tell me everything's alright"

"I need you here tonight"

"I need you here tonight"

"That is beautiful, Babe. I know he would love it." I tell her. "Thank you. I really miss him. I know you do too." She says, wrapping her arms back around me. "I do. He was a good man." I say with a sniffle and we just let our tears fall down our faces. "Want to go visit Lukasz visiting hours start in fifteen minutes?" Sam says. "Yes I do." I tell her and we get up and go get ready to head out making sure we don't look like we were just balling our eyes out.

A/N

Survivor's guilt is horrible. I have it myself. I'm sorry for the sad chapter. I'll make it up to you in the next one ;). I Miss You is by Nathan Wagner. Anygays see you in the next one.